When Love Finds A Fool
by VisualIDentificationZeta
Summary: HarmSinger SUMMARY: On an investigation Harm gets involved in helping out a most unexpected person during a difficult time for her... COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: When Love Finds A Fool

AUTHOR: Vid Z.

PAIRING: Harm/Singer

WARNINGS: Fluff, Romance, Humor, Hurt/Comfort

SPOILERS: everything until Drop Zone, especially Season 5

TIMELINE: Season 5, before Drop Zone

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Recently I looked at the type of fics I've written and decided to write something different for a change. Because I have never written a fic like this, neither are there many such fics out there, I've decided to write one. The motivation was the latest occasion when I was a target of venting the hostile kind of hormones. I know it's weird for a guy to be writing this kind of fics, but I think I earned the right to, by living a huge part of my life with two women in the house, with many times when I couldn't get my ass to safety out of the line of fire. Plus I wanted a tender, caring Harm looking out for Singer when she suffers 'that time' during an investigation and he can't just sit there and let her suffer without trying to ease the pain. I tried to handle the subject as delicately and sensitively as I could, thus there are no gory scenes or graphic descriptions or anything like that, but I'm not perfect and there is a chance of errors, so please tell me if there was something that could've been written better.

!!!!WARNINGS: this fic deals with the biologics of the human reproduction system, with the menstrual cycle and how a man can help an inflicted woman through this difficult and painful time. However it is not described graphically, thus there are no gory scenes. If you are uncomfortable or repulsed by this topic, please do not read any further. Reading this fic is on your own responsibility. If you read this warning, yet ignore it, read the fic and then complain over the topic, you will be branded the village idiot.

ACRONYMS AND THEIR MEANINGS:

LT: Lieutenant

LCDR: Lieutenant Commander

CDR: Commander

LtCol: Lieutenant Colonel

CAPT: Captain

RADM: Rear Admiral Upper Half

VOQ: Visiting Officer Quarters

SUMMARY: On an investigation Harm gets involved in helping out a most unexpected person during a difficult time for her.

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It was only his second out-of-town investigation with LT Loren Singer and Harm was sure that somebody up there (or in a plush, comfy office, sitting in a big, expensive leather chair) hated him.

Mac had fallen ill right on the day when they were meant to go to Pensacola to investigate a case of "code red" and so he was suddenly left without a partner.

As he was standing there before the VOQ Harm was wondering if the Admiral had lost his marbles when assigning him Singer as a last minute stand-in. Or perhaps he was still paying for going back to flying? Naaah. The old SEAL understood he had to do it and didn't hold a grudge because of it.

Perhaps Cheggwidden was concerned about something happening to him? Perhaps one or more of the assailants would try to take him out? No, that wasn't it. Were it so, then he would've sent the Gunny with him and not a petite female Lieutenant with no known self-defence training. Even if she was known to be pretty temperamental. Perhaps she was really ONI in disguise and was thus capable of watching his back? Riiiiiiiiight.

OR perhaps the Admiral had finally acted on Harm's idea of pairing someone from the senior staff with Singer, as she was a junior officer and could use the chance to learn something? Yup, that was probably it.

Though Harm had hoped Mac would get Singer and not he. On the other thought... Mac and Singer... Two very similar and temperamental women who couldn't stand each other... They would've killed each other within days, so it was probably better that Harm was partnered with the ambitious LT and not Mac.

Whatever the reason may have been, he was not thrilled over standing here, in the cold, waiting for the LT to finally meet him so they could finally get the investigation started. His dress blues and coat didn't help him much against the biting wind and he was freezing his ears off!

The perfect way to make a Commander grouchy.

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Finally after 20 minutes he saw the slim figure of his temporary partner making her way towards him.

"Nice of you to finally join me, LT." Harm drawled sarcastically once Loren had joined him. He looked at his watch to underscore how late she was and how long she had made him wait.

"Sorry, Commander." she looked suitably apologetic. "I was delayed. A health matter."

He became concerned upon hearing that. They couldn't afford to have her suddenly become sick. "You're not ill, are you?"

"No, sir, it's something else, something that I would rather not talk about." he saw determination in her eyes, it was clear she would say no more.

Wordlessly, he nodded, agreeing with her request.

Seeing that the subject was dropped, they turned and headed for their car, eager to start with the interviews for that day.

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	2. Chapter 2

**AN**: thank you for giving this fic a chance. I've never written anything like this and never will again, so it is more of an experiment in a new style of writing than anything else.

To this date I have also never written a committed Hurt/Comfort fic. What I know about the period is from my observations as someone who had to live with women, at the young age when it was not entirely voluntary, and from what I know about it from reading articles about it on the net. I will perhaps write a committed Hurt/Comfort fic in the future, but not on this topic.

Because I have never written anything like this (and don't intend to again, cause I would consider it quite creepy to be writing on this topic twice, I'm not even comfortable with the fact that I've written it even once) I will undoubtebly make mistakes. I would truly appreciate it if you ladies would look out for those mistakes and alert me to them, telling me what I did wrong, so I can correct them. As you all know, I'm not a woman, so I don't have a first-hand experience of this.

Because this is a fic about a man's POV there will, of course, be some misconstructions that Harm will do and some errors in his, and mine, thinking. I will not correct these mistakes, cause then it would only create a less-believable male character, but I will be happy if you tell me what these errors are.

Ladies, you have my deepest respect for going through this once a month, for going through pregnancy and especially for going through child birth.

**ElDani: **you're absolutely right. It's something completely new for and from me. I have deliberated whether to write it or not for quite a while and, when it was finally finished, deliberated for an even longer time whether to even post it. As you've pointed out, it's from a man's POV, so please forgive me for any discrepancies and mistakes I have made.

**Syrae: **you know what Darwin said... whether you adapt or you perish. And I didn't want to become a victim of my couple of years older, bitchy-as-it-is sister. Thanks for your kind words.

**michelle UK:** thanks, here you go..

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Harm observed her during the day, taking mental notes of the symptoms, to figure out what was wrong with her.

Something was off, he knew that, but he just couldn't put his finger on it.

She was acting strangely, constantly changing positions in her chair, being restless.

There was also a tense frown marring her visage, a frown that sometimes tensed even more.

Frequent sudden paling of her face and the biting of her lower lip told him that she was in pain. But from what?

Headache?

No, because then she would be stepping very carefully, avoid moving her neck and head too much, hold her neck stiff,...

She wasn't ill, didn't have the flu or something else, because she wasn't sniffing.

Then there were the frequent trips to the bathroom. Women usually go to the bathroom that frequently on three occasions (that Harm could think of): urine tract infection, problems with retaining liquids and during pregnancy.

'She can't be pregnant, can she? No, Harriet was definitely showing when she started running for the bathroom every five minutes after her morning sickness had stopped. And it would be even more noticeable on someone so small and who keeps herself in shape so much. She's also not throwing up when she goes there because she doesn't look green...'

Then with the subtleness of a tank crusing down an interstate, firing it's main gun, it suddenly hit Harm.

It had everything to do with the human reproduction, but it wasn't pregnancy.

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Harm groaned. 'This is not happening to me! I refuse to believe it!'

The usually-bitchy LT was having her period!

'Shit! If she's in that bad a mood on her normal, and even good, days, how would she be on bad days, like the next few?'

Right during their investigation when they were forced into close proximity for extended periods of time.

'This isn't fair!' he complained in his mind while trying to maintain a neutral expression.

And there was no way to avoid her to wait until it was over. He considered himself a 90's guy, but he definitely did not have a feminine side, he was straight and a guy, for crying out loud!

His mind travelled back to his previous partners to look for guidance on what to do in this case.

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Kate was his partner only for a short time and even though he was attracted to her, they didn't become close, in a sexual sense, until a few years later. So, whenever he noticed she was having a little shorter fuse, he would just automatically avoid her. Didn't matter whether it was due to the monthly thingy or something else. She was his first female partner and he wasn't used to working so close to a woman, besides the fact that he didn't know her privately, so he couldn't know why she was moody. His self-preservation instinct told him to step lightly around her and he never bothered to ask himself or his instinct why that was so. She was a temperamental, fiery woman all the time and because she was like that all the time he had never noticed anything different in her behaviour. Passionate, but also always ready to fly off the hook about something. The added hormones never stood out.

Meg was a different story. By that time he was used to working closely with women, but Meg threw him for a loop. He was definitely not a virgin and was more or less used to aggressive women, but Meg was something totally else. With her naive, innocent country girl air she intrigued him. She was so different from all the women he knew in his life that he was instantly drawn to her. She was a true breath of fresh air for him. Not even Diane was shy or reserved, but Meg definitely was. He knew that was one of the reasons why he was so attracted to her. But over the months of their partnership he seemed to rub off on her and her mischevious, playful side started to come out. Their flirting, even though pretty steamy at times, remained just that, to his biggest regret. He was certain that they would have more with time, but the time ran out on them unexpectedly. Never having had anything more with Meg than just friendship was always one of the biggest regrets of Harm's life. But, still, no matter how open she had gotten over time, she always refused to let on when it was that time. She was too shy, private and possibly embarrassed over what was happening, to be willing to even let him know she wasn't feeling well. She always suffered in silence and acted as if nothing was wrong. Which is why he thought of her as one of the three strongest women he had ever met. Those are Meg, his mother and his grandmother. But it still didn't help him gain experience as to what to do with a PMS-ing partner.

Mac was the complete opposite. Definitely not shy, she was always pretty out-spoken and never held back her annoyance at him. A temperamental woman. Come to think of it... Kate, Mac and Loren had a lot in common: all stubborn, strong women, ambitious, temperamental and determined to succeed in a male-dominated environment. But he would definitely not share that observation with Mac... ever. He loved living. The woman had her own sidearm...

For one reason because she didn't know about Kate and how close he and Kate had gotten, which would just make her fly off the hook at him for his sleeping with a former partner and possible accusations that she was the only partner he had never gotten involved with. The fact that she was now wearing another man's ring wouldn't stop her from being jealous and possessive of him. He was no fool, he knew that jealousy and possessivness do not equate love.

Because he loved, not only lusted, Meg he had decided not to tell her about Meg either. Besides, it still hurt too much and the staff, that had been at the HQ at the time he was partnered with Meg, knew better than to mention her around him, opening the old wounds.

The other reason was that Mac hated Singer intensely, which puzzled Harm. Especially since they were so similar. 'Does that mean she hates herself?' The sole existence of a derogatory nickname (something she usually saved for Harm's girlfriends) proved Mac's feeling for Loren. LT Witch. At least it was a _W _and not a _B._..

Sure, he was no adoring fan of the blonde, petite LT, but he sure didn't hate her. He didn't know if Loren hated Mac, on one hand he thought she did, but then he had the whole impression of Loren not even caring about what others thought of her.

He didn't know when that may be, but he was pretty sure that one day soon these two would lock horns for real. And he had the extremely bad feeling he would be stuck right in the middle of it.

Which led him to believe that if she did hate Mac, it was because of something else rather than because Mac hated her.

By this time he'd had enough experience with female partners and mostly knew when to lay low. He never used any kind of a written record of the dangerous times to keep himself out of danger, he just noticed them because Mac was more prone to irritation during those times. One of the reasons why they landed on the USS Watertown for that case was because he forgot what time of the month it was and didn't keep his mouth shut when the fight escalated. Had he known that it was 'that time' he would've been smarter than her, shut up and pretended to admit she was right.

When he was still a boy his mother had asked him a few times to find the hot-water-bottle. When she heated up water and retired to her room for an hour or two he was always confused. Usually the bottle was used in cold nights to warm up the bed. Now not only did she go take a nap during the day, which was out of character for her, but she also did it during summers, when the bottle was not needed for warming up the bed, since it was hot enough already. When he asked her about it once, she'd told him that it was a 'woman thing' and left it at that. He didn't try to push the issue, because in his mind 'woman things' were equated with cooties, to be avoided as much as possible. When he was finally old enough and understood what it was about, he definitely did not feel comfortable discussing such issues with his mother! None of the few steady girlfriends he had had was comfortable around a man during those times and generally avoided close contact with him during those days. Being a young guy who was uncomfortable with the topic, that was fine with him, as he didn't want to be confronted with it.

But now, a much older, wiser and mature man, when workings of one's body didn't disgust him anymore and couldn't stand by and let someone suffer, he was completely clueless as to what he could do to ease Loren's suffering. And this lack of knowledge and inability to help frustrated him greatly.

So he did what any modern person would do.

He decided to look it up on the internet.

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	3. Chapter 3

Syrae: Thank you for your reviews and your kind words.

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He came out of his musings just as Loren had finished interviewing the witness and was looking questioningly at him

He shook himself out of the daze and said his goodbyes to the man, walking out to the car. He opened the door for Loren, receiving a glare for, what she perceived as, an insinuation that she wasn't capable of opening the door herself. Harm sighed, some aspects of feminism just grated on him. He wasn't trying to hint that she was helpless or incapable or anything like that, it was just his upbrining that he did such gestures for women. Like opening the doors, a hand on the small of their backs (if he was emotionally close enough to her), rising when a woman came up to his table,... some women welcomed it and some women hated it. Loren was in the last category and Mac was somewhere in-between. Sometimes she welcomed it and sometimes she almost took his arm off.

He sighed again and walked around the car, getting in. He glanced at Loren, who just glared back at him. He shook his head and took a piece of paper out of his briefcase.

He looked at the list Loren had given him an hour earlier when they had decided on who would interview whom. The next witness on the list was his.

He sighed and started the car, turning it towards the enlisted housing area.

They had a long day ahead of them.

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Once they were done for the day he and Loren went to their own rooms. Occasionally he heard a low, muffled moan come from her room and occasionally the sound of the toilet being used.

Harm puttered around a little, changing into his off-duty clothes and, after noticing that the battery was empty, put his cell-phone to charge.

Knowing that time was precious he pulled out his laptop and logged online.

After an hour of researching he had finally found a few more-or-less reliable ways of relieving Loren's pain. He had started calling her by her name in his own mind, because it would've felt strange thinking of her as The LT or Singer while trying to find out how to help her in such an intimate situation.

He had found only 3, what he deemed were reliable, ways of lessening the effects and the pain of period, which were cramps, pain, discomfort, headaches,... Others were inconvenient as he doubted he would have the luck of finding exotic herbs at the PX on the base.

And of these three only one would be somewhat applicable to their situation, but still stretching the limits quite a bit. As it was, he was risking charges being brought up against him, but standing by and just listening to and watching her suffer so, was definitely not something he could do. He would ask her if she'd let him help and if she wouldn't, then he would just go out for a long walk or something so her moans of pain and the constant pacing wouldn't keep reminding him of her suffering.

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He got dressed, took his wallet and the car keys and left his room. He stopped on his way past Loren's room and knocked.

He heard the soft padding of feet and a tentative "Yes?" floated through the wood of the door.

"It's me, Harm." he winced when he heard the words that had left his mouth.

'Harm? What the hell was I thinking?'

'Well, it would've been weird to call myself Commander Rabb.' he reasoned with himself.

There was silence for a while, no doubt was Loren in shock and/or was trying to figure out what was going on or if she would've been better off calling the MPs. He could've been drugged or something.

Finally he heard the lock click and the door opened a crack, revealing her face, blue eyes peering up at him assesingly. She was probably just trying to decide whether he was drunk, drugged or just three fries short of a happy meal. The chain still being in place proved her wariness. He was glad she was so cautious. Truth was, the way he had sounded so out of character, he wouldn't have removed the chain even for himself.

He cleared his throat. "I'm just going to the store and wanted to ask if you needed something."

Her face cleared at that. "Thank you, I'll just give you a list."

'A list? Uh oh...'

"Would you like to come in?"

He didn't want to make her uncomfortable so he declined, stating that he would just wait where he was.

She sent him a puzzled glance, like she couldn't figure him out and closed the door.

He leaned against the wall opposite the door and waited.

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A couple of seconds later he heard the chain being removed and this time the door was opened fully and Loren stood there in her off-duty clothes, US Navy sweatpants and a baggy US Navy T-shirt.

She handed him a piece of paper with things scribbled on it and 50$. "I intended to go to the store in the morning, but since you're already going... I'm very grateful to you for doing this. I don't know how much it'll be everything, but this is all I've got in cash, I intended to pay with plastic."

Harm took the note and the money, put them in his pocket, noticing how she occasionally bit her lip and winced slightly. So like Meg, yet so different. While Meg didn't want to let anyone in on what was happening out of embarrassment, Loren hid it because she didn't want to show any weakness. "I'll be back soon. Oh, I won't be reachable by phone, it's charging in my room."

Loren nodded "Okay, sir, and thank you."

"It's Harm, when we're off duty, and no problem."

She looked indecisive for a few moments, not sure of such a familiarity, but seeing the logic in his request she complied. "Okay, Harm, then it's also Loren."

Harm nodded and set off "I'll be back soon."

Loren watched him leave with mixed emotions. "Bye." she whispered, completely confused, not sure what had just happened.

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	4. Chapter 4

Harm felt a tug of conscience over saying to Loren that he'd be back soon.

In actuality he didn't go to the PX on-base, but to a store in the town. Unfortunately, the end of his research had coincided with the evening rush hour and he groaned internally at the line at the registers.

First he quickly searched out the items he wanted to buy, because he forgot to write them down in his rush out the door. Surprisingly, they had them all.

Then he concentrated on the things on Loren's list.

The snacks were quickly put in the cart, as were a few bottles of mineral water. He felt pretty silly standing there, looking for the magazines she wanted. He had half-expected to find something like "Soldier of Fortune" on the list, but instead they were all just magazines that women usually read. With the requisite questionaires, like "is your man a pig?", "enhance your sex life with following tips" and, his ever-favorite, "is your relationship working for you?" or some of that type.

'I swear, these thing have destroyed more relationships than alcohol, cars and other addictions combined.' thought Harm as he looked with disgust at the glossy magazines. A man who, by the expression on his face, was also buying these magazines by the instructions of his wife (unlike Harm), sent him a agreeing look when he saw Harm looking disgustedly at the magazines. They nodded at each other with the perfect understanding of each other's misery.

He then had to move on.

He had to search for a while longer for the right brand of the chocolate she wanted.

'Chocolate? And such a big piece? Where does she put all these calories? I mean the woman's so slim and tiny.'

Shaking his head in bemusement, and to stop thinking of the petite LT's figure, he put the chocolate in the cart with the other purchases.

He read the next one on the list and froze in his tracks.

'Oh God, please no!!!'

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Loren was going through the case file, trying to make light of it when she suddenly got the feeling that she had forgotten something important.

It nagged at her for a while, while she tried to concetrate on work, but it would persist.

Finally she gave up on the file and concentrated on figuring out just what was bothering her.

Then her eyes became like saucers when the answer suddenly struck her and she gasped in shock.

'Oh, shit!!!!!!!!'

She grabbed the phone to prevent the disaster from happening. When no-one answered she remembered that Harm had left his phone in his room in order to let it charge.

'Oh no.'

Loren groaned, thinking of the list she had given Harm. She wrote it for herself for when she would've had the chance to go to the store. She was getting low on things. Things she needed.

'Well, at least I for once wrote down the model. So, he'll buy the right ones, at least. Yeah, if he's gonna buy them at all and not freak out. I don't care anymore how much embarrassment it'll cost me, just that I get them cause I need them, badly.'

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Harm was slowly freaking out.

He re-checked, double-checked and triple-checked the list and still there it was.

It was just not going away.

'What the hell do I do? Do I ignore it and act as if nothing had happened? Do I ignore it and then apologize to her somehow for not buying it? Or do I buy it and act as nonchalantly as possible when giving her what I've bought? She wouldn't have put it on the list if it wasn't urgent.'

He closed his eyes for a few seconds in the hopes of it being just a mirage, and when he opened them there it was still:

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AN: I know, I'm evil, but I promise to update sooner, especially in trade for reviews that don't have anything to do with promising me death, fear, mutilation and so on.

Loren may seem out of character in this fic, by being too nice and too soft, but remember: she's uncomfortable and in pain and being nasty takes up a lot of effort and energy. Which she can't spare on being nasty right now...


	5. Chapter 5

AN: lol, I can only thank the fact that a Alldays commercial was on the TV when I walked past, otherwise I would've had to do a research to even had an idea of the model Harm would have to buy.

Is the word 'pad' the correct one? Cause somewhere I'd heard the term 'pantyliner'.

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-Alldays With Wings.-

Harm glanced around, frantically. 'Damn, I promised her I would buy everything on the list. She wouldn't have put it on the list if she didn't need them. And considering what time of month for her it is, she probably needs them bad.'

The little voice, sometimes identified as his conscience and sometimes just an annoying little bastard trying to humiliate him, spoke up. 'Okay, Harm, you've faced bad guys with AKs and death numerous times before, buying pads won't kill you. Suck it up, you're a man.'

He was glad that he had decided to do his purchases off-base and not at the base's PX. It would not do for a single Commander to be seen (and known to be) buying feminine hygiene products. It would either make him look like a pervert, or questions would've been raised as to for whom he was buying them, or wrong conclusions about the true nature of their partnership would've been drawn once it was known that he had a female partner.

'Which is the reason why this will probably be THE worst shopping excursion of my entire life. If I ever get married, I'm putting buying these things into the pre-wedding contract, meaning, she will obligate herself not to ever send me out to buy these things. I've heard horror stories of how the cashiers love to humiliate men buying this stuff and if it doesn't happen to me this time, I'll make sure it won't happen again. I'm a lawyer after all.' he realised that talking to a voice in his head, conscience or not, was not an indication of mental stability, but as long as that voice was his conscience, he'd put up with it. 'Better talking to my conscience than having no conscience at all.'

He took in a shuddering breath, glanced around to make sure there was no-one around, quickly reached out, grabbed 2 boxes and threw them into the cart, tucking them safely under other purchases, so that no-one could see them.

Then he quickly headed towards the sweets section and selected a big bag of chips.

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He was finally done and the cashier was ringing up his purchases.

Harm was anxious, having heard from other (married) man about what cashiers like to do to men who purchase feminine products.

Loren's pads came last and Harm could clearly see a spark come to life in the young girl's eyes as she saw the box and her hand twitched towards the microphone.

It was a matter of honor and dignity, so he leaned in closer and growled warningly "I'm a lawyer!"

The spark died quickly and was replaced by fear, but her other hand dropped away from it's target and she quickly rung up the pads also, announcing the price to him.

Harm paid with cash and quickly left the store.

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He carefully navigated the busy parking lot and when he got to the car, he put the bags in the trunk, returned the cart and seated himself in the driver's seat.

He turned the overhead light on, looked at the check, calculated how much money was left of the amount that Loren had given him and put it in a separate space in his wallet, so it couldn't be mixed up.

When he was done Harm turned off the light and started the engine, pulling out of the lot and heading back to base.

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	6. Chapter 6

A knock sounded on Loren's door. She moved to answer it hesitantly.

The time since she'd realised her error had been spent divided between blushing, cursing herself, snorting in amusement over Harm's predicament and again cursing herself for getting them both in such an intimate closeness, and finally, being curious as to what Harm would decide to do and how he would be handling his situation.

And now was finally the time for the truth.

She cracked the door open tentatively, repeating her mantra 'I will not blush, I will not blush, I will not blush,...'

She blushed.

Crimson red.

Which was quite alright since he was blushing also. His own mantra had failed him too.

When finally coming face to face with the Commander. 'No, it's Harm.' she corrected herself. 'The man had just quite obviously bought me pads, I can't think of him as The Commander anymore. It makes us more intimate than I've ever been with anyone. Sex does not equate intimacy. None of my boyfriends had ever done what he had. My, my, is he an interesting shade of crimson. It matches my own color perfectly. We sure look the perfect couple.' she froze at that thought. 'Scratch that last part. Not a couple. Definitely not a couple.'

"Loren."

His voice broke her out of her thoughts, to her relief interrupting the unwanted direction they'd seemed to have been taking.

"Yes?" wide blue eyes blinked up at him, unnerving him completely.

"Would you mind letting me in? The guard will be making his rounds in a few seconds and I don't want to answer any weird or embarrassing questions."

"Right. Sorry." she cursed herself for drifting off into her thoughts and opened the door for him, letting him slip inside, just as the heavy footsteps of combat boots were heard.

She closed the door and turned to face him. Harm was standing next to her living room table with a paper bag and a duffle bag on it. She was glad she knew he wasn't a murderer, or some other kind of criminal or sicko, cause, with any other man, that kind of bag would've made her scared and call the guards.

She moved towards him and, without thinking, peered into the paper bag, moments later wishing she hadn't.

"I.. ah.." he cleared his throat, his face even redder. "I've bought everything that was on the list you gave me. You probably didn't put it on the list just because I went to the store, at least I hope not, but I figured that if it was on the list of things you wanted to buy yourself it had to be pretty urgent."

"Yeah, it is, thank you."

The situation was extremely awkward with both of them avoiding eye contact, not knowing what to do with their hands, until Harm broke the quiet again.

"Oh, here's your money and the receipt."

He handed her the items and she took them, jerking her hand back when she touched his fingers and a jolt of electricity flew between them and shocked them.

She wondered why he became even more nervous and why didn't he just leave so she could stuff her mouth with the chocolate and hopefully forget, for just a few hours, what had happened tonight. She was sure she'd start blushing as soon as she'd lay her eyes on him tomorrow morning.

"Loren." her eyes jerked up to his, startled by the intense determination she saw there. "I just want to say something. Please, don't interrupt me until I'm finished because it took me a long time to screw up the courage, especially since I have never had this conversation ever before. Then you can throw me out."

She just nodded, heeding his request to not interrupt him.

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	7. Chapter 7

AN: this one's much longer to make up for the previous shorter ones.

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He shifted on his feet, unable to look her in the eyes, rather looking at his hands. She was looking at his hands too. Beautiful hands they were, big, strong, with long, strong fingers, fingertips calloused from handling the stick of his Tomcat and from lifting the weights, and her dirty imagination had her suddenly imagining how those hands would feel like on her body, calloused fingertips on her sensitive nipples and those fingers in her...

And then suddenly she was flushed for a completely different reason than embarrassment.

She could not believe that she had just been fantasizing about her superior officer in a sexual manner! What's more, it was about the officer of whom she had never had or had even considered having sexual fantasies.

Loren was very ambitious, but she didn't want there to ever be even a hint or a suspicion of her sleeping her way up the ladder. She despised the women who did that and she definitely didn't want to be like that. Nor did she want people to think she was like that.

Which is the reason why this fantasy bothered her so much. She didn't want to even be having sexual thoughts about her superior officers, and yet, here she was having just those.

'It's these damn hormones! One second I wanna cry, the next throw things and the next, jump my superior officer.'

"I've noticed you've been in pain this whole day." His voice broke her out of her thoughts and fantasies

"I've been around women long enough to know what it means. I don't want to embarrass you, or myself, but I couldn't just stay there, on my side of the wall, listen to you pacing, moaning and using the bathroom constantly. I'm sorry, I know I'm way over the line right now and you can report me for sexual harrassment when we return to JAG if you want, I won't deny nor resist, but I couldn't stand you being in pain."

Loren wondered if her face would remain red forever. It sure seemed that way.

"I've researched on the net how I could help you and I found only three more-or-less reliable ways. Only the first is viable in our situation."

"Which is?" Loren couldn't help but ask.

"Something my mother used to do. She placed a hot water bottle on her stomach and the heat lessened the pain. If you are willing, you can try that." he squirmed uncomfortably, the whole conversation was too weird for him.

She was feeling the same. "It is awfully awkward and private for me to be discussing my body and it's functions with you. We are just co-workers, we don't even know each other enough to be friends."

Harm smiled self-depricatingly. "You think you're uncomfortable? Try to imagine how I am feeling. Have you ever known a guy that would willingly discuss this topic with a woman, especially if she's not his wife, but a co-worker?"

She had to concede that he was right. All her previous boyfriends avoided the subject as much as possible.

"But I am willing to discuss it and do something about it if it will help ease your pain. It would be beneficial for me too."

One elegant blonde eyebrow climbed towards the heaven. "Oh? Why's that?"

Harm smiled a rueful grin. "I'll be able to sleep if you won't be making noise because of the pain anymore."

Loren grimaced, chagrined.

He noticed her chagrin and tried to lighten the situation. "Try to think of it this way. You are.. er...injured.. and I'm merely providing medical assistance to a fellow crewmember. Completely in accordance with regs and everything... How does that sound?"

She nodded. "It sounds more... acceptable."

'Yeah, except for the fact that you can't stop this particular bleeding.' she winced at the thought and at the pain that had suddenly spiked.

He looked her deep in the eyes. "Trust me, I don't find any pleasure in this situation or in your pain. I would rather see I wouldn't have to be here at all. But, you are in pain and I am here."

Harm opened the duffel bag, revealling a full rubber hot water bottle, wrapped in towels. "So, will you let me help you?"

Loren looked at the bottle, noticing it was obviously hot. She was puzzled. "Where did you manage to get water so hot that it hadn't cooled off yet?"

Harm grinned a grin filled with a curious combination of emotions. It was an embarrassed, rakish and secretive grin. "It's classified. I mean, I could tell you, but... you know, then I'd have to shoot you. And I wouldn't want that."

She smiled, appreciating his attempt at humor.

Loren closed her eyes, counted to ten, inhaled and exhaled slowly. 'Should I do it? I mean, the embarrassment can't get any worse than it already is. Besides, from what everybody at the HQ told me, he is the embodiement of honor and integrity and a complete gentleman. I'm sure he wouldn't do anything I don't want him to and that he will be out of the room as soon as I'm settled in with the bottle.

She tuned back to the real world and saw Harm looking at her. She searched his eyes, looking for any hint of deceit, of a trap or a lie; but found nothing but sincere concern and a wish to help in those aquamarine orbs. That was what she needed in order to decide.

"Okay, I'll do it." she nodded determinedly. "But if I find out you told anyone about this, about what was with me or what I let you do, I'll make you regret it for the rest of your life. At the very least, I will castrate you and I WILL find a way to get you naked to do it."

Harm looked visibly hurt at the insinuation that he would be telling other people about this. When she saw that his eyes showed hurt at her words, she had her final confirmation.

"Okay." Harm looked unsure suddenly.

"What is it?" she thought he would be all Action Jackson now that he got her to agree, but he actually seemed even more unsure than he did before.

"I... ah... I never actually believed that you would do it. I actually got my bags packed for when the MPs would come to drag me away so my stuff wouldn't be handled by some strangers. I never really believed that you would go along with it so I didn't plan on what to do next." Harm knew he was babbling, but was unable to stop himself.

Loren found it truly endearing. The big, bad, tough Naval Commander was babbling!

He had actually believed that she would call the MPs on him and had prepared for it!

She couldn't believe it. She had never met a man who would look like that and be that insecure when it came to women.

Or was it her fault? Did she really project such a bitchy personality that everyone feared her?

She knew she was not Miss Happy at work, but she had never imagined that she had become that bitchy that Harm would believe she would actually have him arrested for wanting to help her with her pain. This would not do!

This man had sacrificed himself so much, had to fight against thousands of years of male discomfort with the topic of a woman's reproductive cycle, against all instinct, against his whole bringing up and against 35 years of life set in his ways, just to help her.

'He's so sweet! Such a nice, thoughtful man. So wonderful and caring.' she had never noticed the return of her hormones and of her mood swings until it was too late. Her last thoughts were heavily influenced by these sappy hormones and she was almost about to hug the man because of her gratefulness.

That is until she felt her eyes brimming and a few tears escape.

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	8. Chapter 8

AN: the next part is longer than these 2 together, which is why this posting is so short.

I don't leave cliffies on purpose, but the chapters are written in the way that when they are over a scene is closed.

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Harm's nervousness went up alarmingly at the sight of the bitchy LT's eyes welling up and tears spilling over.

'What the hell should I do?'

Thousands of years old male instinct to comfort a distraught female had to be ignored. He couldn't just take her into his arms and hold her until she cried herself out.

At one time during his partnership with Mac he would've done exactly that if Mac was crying, but their estrangeness and that big pile of sexual tension, sitting in the corner like a neon yellow elephant, would prevent him from doing such a thing now. How do you get around to hugging a woman who seemingly hates your guts?

Yet here was one woman who didn't hate him, at least Harm thought she didn't, but the situation was already too uncomfortable as it was to make it even more so by taking her into his arms to comfort her. His arms felt curiously empty, but he resisted.

He didn't know what was happening with Loren, one minute she was okay and the next she was crying!

Could it be the hormones?

Could be, but Harm had no previous experience with this side of them. The times he was exposed to full wrath of period hormones the symptoms were usually anger, hostility, irritability and depression. Never before had he witnessed hormones causing crying along with a sappy expression on the woman's face.

Frankly, it scared him.

Scared him shitless.

'Please, Loren, start throwing things, at least I'll know what to do then! Just don't cry, I can't stand to see a woman cry. But I can't just go over there and take you in my arms, comfort you. I think I've passed over way too many lines today as it is. I also don't think you'd want me to. You are always so independent, I don't think you'd accept it. But here is one thing I can do, though.'

Harm rooted through the bag, pulled out a pack of Kleenex, opened it and offered it to Loren.

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Loren had seen the indecision in Harm's eyes and she knew he was struggling with himself whether or not to comfort her.

'Thank god he didn't. This is weird as it is. I don't want to come off as some needy, week waif.'

She was completely unaware of the sappy smile she was still sporting as she took the tissues from him.

"I'll.. uh... get ready." she gestured towards the bathroom.

At his understanding nod she quickly left him in the living room and entered the bedroom. There she rooted in her suitcase for the most unflattering clothes she had, her sweat -shirt and -pants. Finding them she headed to the bathroom.

She used the opportunity to wash her face and get rid of the evidence of tears. She also quickly put her hair into a bun, the same one she wore while on duty. It made her feel more secure in herself and more in control. She knew that, no matter if she wore the unflattering sweat suit, letting her hair down would make her feel like too much a woman for what was about to come.

The fact that all this was happening just because she _was_ a woman did not matter. She needed to feel like a professional, like an officer, merely receiving medical attention and nothing more. Certainly not letting her handsome co-worker provide her relief during this private time, when she felt most vulnerable and was the most aware of being a woman and of her body going through the routine, necessary to be ready for reproduction. And a man, who was the only part missing to complete that process, was with her right then and a primal part of her kept prompting her to just jump him, to complete those millions of years old dance.

Which is why she needed to feel like an officer, to keep control of herself.

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	9. Chapter 9

Harm took out the still-hot hot-water bottle from the duffel and a couple of towels.

He saw Loren exit her bedroom with clothes in her hand and enter the bathroom. Soon after water was turned on.

Harm looked around in an attempt to keep himself busy. Loren's quarters were identical to his (as if that was something unexpected), nor did she try to personalize them for just these few days they were here. The only thing she had left out were some files and a notepad with a pencil. It was obviously about the case they were working on. He resisted peeking, sure that she would show him if she wanted him to know her ideas.

The sound of a door being opened intruded on his sighting tour and he raised his head to look in that direction.

To his surprise he saw Loren dressed in a way that left only her hands and neck uncovered, everything else was covered by her thick, bulky sweats.

She motioned for him to follow her and turned towards her bedroom.

He entered the room cautiously after her, watching silently as she stiffly moved around the bed and hesitantly laid down.

He then moved to her side and put the hot water bottle on the bed next to her.

Motioning towards her midsection Harm said "I'll have to move the sweat shirt up a little so the heat will be more effective. You have a T-shirt underneath, right?"

"Yeah." she said as she slowly moved her sweatshirt further up her belly and stopped it just under her breasts, leaving a T-shirt exposed.

Harm carefully placed a towel on her tender belly and then slowly put the bottle on top of it.

Loren made a soft hissing sound as the heat touched her body, but then couldn't prevent a soft moan as the heat started doing it's work of relaxing her abused muscles and soothing the pain.

Harm was nervous enough and her moaning didn't help matters much. As soon as the bottle was in place he let go and moved away from the bed as if burnt.

Loren looked at him, hurt by his reaction to their proximity, not aware that she had moaned and how uncomfortable that had made him, thus being the reason for why he had moved away.

"I'll go now. When the bottle gets cooler just remove the towel. It's supposed to help quite a lot. I'll see myself out."

'What!? This is it?' she yelled in her head.

This is why she had antagonized over her decision and why he had looked so nervous as if he was offering a more intimate solution to the problem?

She wasn't able to stop herself from blurting out a puzzled "This is it?"

Harm looked at her as if she had told him that Cheggwidden was seen wearing tights. "Yeah." He drawled questioningly.

She was on a roll by now, curiosity leading her. "What about those other two ways?"

"This one is working, right?"

"Yeah."

She squirmed under his penetrating gaze.

"So, why do you want to know about those other two?"

That was something she wanted to know herself. Getting irritated by his stalling she snapped.

"Stop stalling, just tell me already."

Harm sighed. "Okay, suit yourself. Just remember that _you _wanted to know."

Loren was starting to re-think her decision.

"Uh... the second one... is not really applicable to our situation."

"Why not?" curiosity killed the cat and Loren had the feeling this was the same situation, but couldn't stop herself from asking.

"Because it's orgasm." he finished hurriedly before he lost his nerve.

Both blushed furiously at that, unable to maintain eye contact.

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After a few minutes a high, squeaky voice was heard. Loren was mortified at how she sounded. "Yeah, I see what you mean about it not being suitable. What about the third one? Is it better?" she finished hopefully.

"Well, in a way. Or maybe not."

'I must be a masochist.' Loren thought to herself as she insisted. "Tell me already. It couldn't be worse than the last one."

Famous last words...

"You get pregnant." Harm finished quickly, not believing he was actually having this conversation with Loren Singer of all people!

"Yeah, I can see how that's supposed to help." grumbled Loren sarcastically. "Why? You applying to help me achieve that "blessed" state yourself?" Her words were laced with a heavy layer of sarcasm over the word 'blessed', while on the inside she couldn't believe she had actually even thought up the idea of them having a baby together, even though it was meant bitingly.

Only after she had said it had it occured to her what it would actually mean.

First, they would have to be in love, which was absolutely an impossible possibility in her opinion, second, they would have to get around the frat regs, third, they would have to date, fourth, they would have to get engaged and fifth, they would have to be married, in order to try for a baby. And the weirdest, most uncomfortable, fact of all: they would actually have to have _sex _in order to even try to have a baby.

What a weird concept...

She and Harm in love with one another...

She and Harm dating...

She and Harm having sex...

She and Harm getting married...

She and Harm married...

She and Harm trying to_ have a baby..._

Her body swelling with their, Harm's, child and Harm looking at her with love and awe in his eyes...

She and Harm spending the rest of their lives together, surrounded with the family that they had created and she had given birth to...

An extremely weird concept.

And she had better stop thinking about it, especially with him so near, before she freaked out completely.

Having hormone-induced lustful thoughts about him was one thing, actually contemplating about sex with him was something completely different.

They were not only co-workers, not even friends, but they were also in a _very_ intimate situation in a small room with a bed. Actually, she was already on the bed on her back and he was not that far away. Only their clothes and reservations stood in their way. And both of these things are easily removable.

Her decision for her life not to ever sleep her way up the ladder and not to give the reason for people to even think she did was screaming at her to notice it. She cursed herself then for opening her mouth and preventing him from leaving. Suddenly she was very anxious for him to leave.

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	10. Chapter 10

AN: sorry for not updating yesterday, but I've dedicated the entire weekend to finishing up another Harm/Singer fic, that's been in the works since September and had a writer's block until this weeked, and it took my whole time. I just have to come up with a good title for it. Also sorry for the short chappy of this one, but it was a logical decision since the end of this part also ends the day in the fic.

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Harm was reading the signs quite clearly for he felt the same way.

He couldn't wait to get out of the room as soon as possible.

This was slowly beginning to freak him out.

It wasn't that he found Loren unattractive, she was a very beautiful woman, it's just that they were already in a close quarters situation, in a bedroom and she was on the bed, and the topic of their conversation was sex and making babies (both things that he'd wanted for a while now), threatening to send his imagination out of control. The only things that prevented this from actually happening were: the fact that she was in pain, that there was an ugly orange water bottle on her belly, and Harm's nearly-desperate grip on his imagination and self-control.

He had to get out of there and he had to get out of there immediately!

Harm looked around, anywhere but at her. He decided to ignore her response, finish what he had to say and escape as soon as he could. "Actually, the pregnancy is supposed to stretch out abdominal muscles and after it is over, the cramps hurt less, besides the woman being completely safe from them for those 9 months. At least that's what the internet says."

"Yeah." mumbled Loren."Except for the fact that giving birth hurts a LOT more than these cramps."

Harm pretended not to have heard her. "Well, since you're all set here, I'll just go and leave you to it. I hope it helps and that you feel better soon."

He turned around, when he suddenly thought of something. "Oh, completely forgot something!"

He pulled out a small box of pills and put them on the bedside table. "Here is Midol. Bye."

He was gone before she could've thanked him or asked him where did he get it.

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Harm leaned back against the locked door of Loren's quarters and sighed in relief.

"Thank god this is over with!"

He drew his hands over his face and sighed. Then he pushed away from the door and entered his own room.

It took him a while before he could unwire enough to sleep.

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Loren couldn't fall asleep for a while also.

She had to admit that he had had the right idea with the hot water bottle and the pills, it certainly did help. She had ran out of Midol earlier in the day, but forgot to put it on the list. Later on, she was divided: she needed them, but was sure that the embarrassment over the pads was enough for this month.

Looking back at it, the whole situation and their conversation and reactions were quite funny. How they were both freaking out over him just placing some rubber bottle on her belly and leaving.

As she was finally falling asleep, for the first time that day unbothered by cramps, she had a thought, that should've alarmed her, yet she was too sleepy and uninhibited to care. "This feels nice. I have to talk to him tomorrow about him doing it again. After I slee..."

And she was out.

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AN: just a question out of curiosity: how many of you are saving this fic on your disk?


	11. Chapter 11

The next day dawned dark and cloudy.

Though they were not in a bad mood, Harm and Loren were definitely not like two playful kittens.

When they met up to go conduct more interviews in the morning they were acting quite shy and jumpy around each other.

They were acting like two teenagers who had lost their virginities to each other the night before and didn't know what to do or say.

Even though Loren had laughed over their behaviour yesterday, she was no better than Harm today and was just as equally shy.

There was not a lot of conversation in the car during their ride and it took a while before they could get fully back into swing once they'd started the interviews.

Time passed quicky while they were busy and they found found themselves hungry. After a brief discussion they had decided to have lunch at the base commisary.

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Harm and Loren stood in line when Harm noticed the main cook.

She was an older, matronly woman, giving off a maternal air and the air of someone whom you could trust with anything.

He smiled at her gratefully and nodded. She nodded back and glanced at Loren who was looking at the food. She glanced from Loren back to Harm and raised an eyebrow. Harm shrugged with a sheepish smile. She nodded back at him, confirming that she would keep his secret.

Loren wasn't as oblivious as Harm and the cook had thought, she was observing the whole exchange quite closely. She didn't know what to think of it, so she filed the information for later.

When they were finally sitting down at a private table and eating, Loren decided to ask something that was really nagging at her.

"Will you tell me now, where you got the hot water yesterday?"

Harm hadn't expected that question and especially not being asked in such a blunt manner and started coughing. Loren rolled her eyes at his reaction and rose to her feet, moving around the table to thump him on his back.

When the worst was over she wasn't ready to stop touching him so she kept up a circular rubbing motion, until Harm raised an eyebrow at her.

Embarrassed she stopped and re-took her seat. Now was time for her eyebrow to go up. "Well? I'm waiting."

The reason for the redness of his face was different now. Could've had something to do with him being so embarrassed. "I came here, to the kitchen, after I got back from the store and asked the main cook if she could provide me with some hot water. She was quite nice, reminded me of my grandmother in that motherly way, and heated up the water so I could pour it into the bottle. The rest you know."

Loren grinned triumphantly. "That's why all that silent communication between you two. I thought you were cheating on me with her or something."

Harm snorted into his soup. "Yeah, right, she's just 20 years older than I am."

Loren didn't answer, too horrified over what she'd blurted out. 'Maybe he won't notice.'

Harm's head then snapped up and he looked at her with wide eyes. "What do you mean 'cheat on me with her'?"

'Damn, he noticed. How do I get myself out of this one? What did I even mean when I said that?'

"You're jealous!?" he exclaimed incredulously.

"No!" she replied quickly. Too quickly.

"Really? Could've fooled me." he drawled sarcastically.

"What do you mean?" the dumb-act did work for her sometimes, so why not try it again?

He smirked, being on to her. "Oh, just the comment. How it was phrased... Am I cheating _on you _with her...

Loren glared back at him, denying everything. She was taking the government's SOP for this one: deny everything.

Harm stared right back at her, an amused smile playing with his lips, and intense gaze in his eyes, aimed right into hers.

The contest went on for a few minutes and they were slowly starting to attract attention, when Loren finally caved in.

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Review!


	12. Chapter 12

AN: What's the meaning of this people? No reviews for the last part of "I'll never let you walk alone"?

I'm holding the next part hostage until I get at least 2 reviews.

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She sighed and buried her face in her hands. "Okay, I admit, I'm feeling slightly possessive of you because of what you did for me yesterday. Happy now?"

"Only slightly?" he smirked, obviously quite enjoying himself.

"Watch it, _sir._" she stressed, reminding him of the fact that he was her superior officer and was close to the line.

"Ouch." he winced at her reminder, putting a hand to his chest, as if shot in the heart.

Still, Loren felt she needed to explain and not let him think she was falling for him or something like that. She was definitely not. Even the idea was stupid. "The only reason why I'm feeling **slightly** possessive is because of the attention and care you've showed towards me yesterday. It's been a long time since I've been on the receiving end of it. Usually the men I am involved with are interested in one thing only." She shut up then, wondering why she was comparing him to her former boyfriends and why she was talking about sex to him.

"Oh, ok." Harm said placated and, to his surprise, a little disappointed.

She decided to take the chance that had just been offered to her to ask of him something she wanted. "Speaking of yesterday... could it be possible for us to repeat it tonight?"

Surprise showed clearly on his face, but was quickly covered up. "What, you mean all those tense and uncomfortable talks or us babbling like idiots?" he asked sarcastically.

"No." she said snippily, suddenly angry at him for belittling their 'moments' and the 'connection' that had been established beween them during those minutes.

Her eyes softened then. "No, I mean the time when you made the pain go away with your care. The moments when you were such a sweet man that I almost hugged you."

Harm's increasingly worried expression clued her in on what she was saying.

"Damn, those sappy hormones again." she murmured, covertly wiping her eyes of the unwanted moisture. "Why did I have to be born with sappy hormones, why couldn't I have been given bitchy ones instead?"

The silence reminded her that she was actually in company and that the company was strangely quiet.

She peeked at him between her fingers, noting the look of terror on Harm's face. He looked as if he thought she had either lost her mind or was planning on jumping his bones right there and then. Either way, he was clearly terrified of his presumed fate.

"Could you please forget everything that I've just said?" she pleaded.

Harm nodded slowly. "Okaaay. No problem."

"Thanks." she mumbled.

"Sooo..." he trailed off.

"Sooo..." she repeated, not knowing what to say.

"So, you're possessive of me."

Loren groaned.

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He just wouldn't let it go.

"Yes, I AM possessive of you!! Are you happy now!?" she errupted loudly, stading up in her frustration, her frustration over herself, her hormones and him finally being too much.

The commisary suddenly fell silent and everyone was looking at them. More specifically, at her.

Loren blanched in mortification, realizing only too late what she'd just done.

She sank back into her seat and was praying for the ground to open up and swallow her.

Harm was looking at her in shock, eyes almost popping out of their sockets, mouth agape, not believing that she had actually yelled those words.

Loren groaned and covered her face with her hands.

She quickly peeked through her fingers and was immensely relieved and thankful to discover that none of the people still there were in any way related to their case.

That was all she'd need, for the suspects to hear her professing her possessivness over her partner!

Slowly Harm's face morphed and she was angry to discover that a smirk was slowly forming on his lips. She had the almost irresistable urge to slap it off this face!

Then she would claim hormonal imbalance and temporary insanity as the reasons. Hormones had been used as a successful defence in the past, several times already, so she could make it work...

But would the momentary satisfaction of having slapped him be worth it having one extremely pissed off superior officer (with whom she would have to be stuck with for a few days longer), a full office of your co-workers and, finally, your CO mad at you for a few years and being given the most menial cases?

'Well, if I was married to him and pregnant then I could get away with it, blaming it all on the pregnancy, others would understand and he would forgive me cause he'd be in love with me...'

She froze then.

'Shit! What the hell am I thinking again? It's these damn hormones that make me think things like that. It's got to be them! I don't think about something like that usually, so it's not my fault!' she reasoned with herself, satisfied that she was able to rationalize her comment. Not for long though...

"What's not your fault?" Harm's amused voice broke through her thoughts.

"Shut up!" she snapped and Harm immediately recognized the signals that he pushed a little too much, so he obeyed and changed the subject.

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	13. Chapter 13

"So, do you think Lance Corporal Reilly was one of the attackers?" he asked.

Loren was thankful that he'd changed the subject and eagerly joined in. "I'm sure he was. You just had to look at him and you knew that he was lying. He also gives off the vibe that he would resort to corporeal punishment for someone who isn't able to keep up, for being weaker than what Reilly thinks that person should be."

Harm nodded in agreement.

"God, Marines." snorted Loren in disgust, looking around to check that they weren't being overheard. The coast was clear. "Sometimes I get the impression that their brain is surgically removed upon joining up, leaving only the part with the basic functions and the most primitive drives. Survive, eat, kill, procreate."

Harm coughed as the water he was drinking went down the wrong tube when he tried to laugh. Loren rolled her eyes in exasperation and again thumped him on the back, until he was recovered again.

"I wouldn't be spreading that around, LT." he said, gesturing to the Marine personnel around them. It was an extremely politically incorrect statement, but on the inside he agreed with her. He sometimes got that feeling himself. Not always, just sometimes.

Loren noticed that and smiled brightly, making Harm's breath catch at the beauty of the woman.

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Disdain between the Corps and the Navy was as old as the two branches themselves and the two were each other's natural enemies. While some Navy members were friends with some USMC members, they still felt disdain and unfriendly feelings towards the other branch as a whole. It was the same way around. Even though Harm and Mac often called each other Jarhead and Squid affectionately, those names sometimes had an insulting quality to it during the times they were fighting or were mad at each other.

And this difference in their branches wasn't the only thing they differed in, they were not even remotely similar in personalities, much less being soulmates as they tried to fool themselves they were. The only things they had in common were their friendship, which was quite in tatters at the moment, working relationship, education and their history together. Personality-wise they were complete opposites.

One a carnivore, the other a vegetarian. One a pilot and a sailor, the other a landlubber, who always got sick in the air, when going above the speed of a grassmower. One a plane-lover, the other a plane-hater. One open, always with a friendly disposition, always willing to help anyone and everyone, even enlisted, making friends as he went; the other moody, closed off, a loner, making only a few friends. Harm had a lot of friends, he had the force of personality that drew people to him, made them like him (or hate him intensely); while Mac's pallette of friendships was limited to the JAG staff and Chloe. Not even the whole JAG staff, just Bud, Harriet, Tiner, Galindez and Harm. She was the usual superior, indifferent officer, sometimes with a superior and snobby atittude, to the rest of the staff, namely junior officers and enlisted. One of them holding a tight reign on his emotions, letting them out only when someone he loved was in danger; the other letting her emotions make decisions in her private life.

The fact that these two, such different, people were drawn to each other was the proof for the theory of opposites attracting. But these differences between them were also the reason why they couldn't co-exist peacefully for any length of time, they were too different for their differences to become meaningless. They would get along famously for a while, but then it would become too much and they would fight again. They were mutually destructive forces, like moths with flames, not wisening up before they were destroyed by the flame, by each other.

They were like addicts, no matter how unhealthy, destructive and damaging their relationship was to them as a whole and as individuals, they still kept at it, like addicts keep taking drugs, not caring what damage they (themselves and these drugs) did to other people and not caring that these drugs will kill them in the end.

Sometimes, in the darkest hours of their fights Harm wondered were it not for the best if they called it quits and moved on from each other as friends and more. Too many 3rd parties have already been hurt because of this unhealthy, strong attraction between them, yet on which they had never acted.

While it may have seemed that Mac had done just that with Brumby, Harm knew it wasn't so. Her regular baitings of him, trying to force or weasel out of him a confession of feelings by any means deemed necessary, either by trying to make him jealous or make him fear losing her by flashing her new ring or make it seem as if she was truly thinking of moving it over, proved this theory. Had she really wanted to marry the giver of the ring, she would never have put the ring on the right hand in the first place, would not play the farse of taking it as a friendship ring. Had she really wanted to marry Brumby she would not have to think about it, not have to try to get a confession of feelings for her from another man repeatedly, she would just move it and be done with it. Had she really wanted to marry Brumby she would've said 'yes' to him immediately when he asked, not even having to think about it, much less take it as a friendship ring and ask for more time to think it over. It'd been months since she'd taken the ring and was still 'thinking it over'. What kind of woman, who wants to marry the man who proposed to her, would have to think about it?

The kind of woman who doesn't love that man and uses his ring as a tool in trying to force another man to confess his feelings, a woman who to that end plays mind games and strings two men along. The giver of the ring, making him think he has a chance, keep him hoping; and the other man, making him also think she loves him, because she still hasn't moved that ring. She's keeping her options open, not committing to anyone.

Would she even react positively if Harm confessed his love for her, kiss him and say it back?

Or would she laugh in his face, move that cursed ring over and go off to marry someone else?

Would she claim that he was too late, that she had never loved him, that he was a fool for thinking she loved him?

Harm didn't know and was too scared to find out.

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	14. Chapter 14

**AN: **sorry, guys, for making you wait this long for this part, but I've been having a lot of issues with the last and the current part and have rewritten them many times, until I was completely fed up with it and left it as it is.

Harm's introspections end with this part and then we're back to the action. Enjoy.

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No matter how much apart they drifted Harm still valued Mac as his friend, but he couldn't stop himself but regret the attraction and sexual tension that had soured their friendship. He would've been happier had there been no feelings, no attraction, just friendship and nothing else. Something like he had with Harriet.

Then it wouldn't hurt so much seeing her with other men, knowing she was giving her body to them.

Giving her body cheap because none of the men she had ever been with was of any worth, not even her current fiancee. A manipulative, emotionally abusive man, who resorted to sexual harrassment and mind games to get what he wanted, to win in some competition in which Harm refused to even participate in.

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Mac didn't know, but to Brumby she was just a tool in his hate and quest against Harm, a trophy, a beautiful woman who, not only did she satisfy his basic urges, but by doing so she also served additionally in his sick competition against Harm because Brumby knew Harm was bothered by it. Brumby did not love Mac, because Brumby loved himself too much to be able to love anyone else.

Harm had seen through the man a long time ago. He had seen the glimmer in the other man's eyes the first time they'd met, had known in that second that the other man would prove to be trouble. He had seen the challenging and hostile glint in Brumby's eyes, he had seen how the man had harrassed Mac, Harm wanted to report him as was his duty, but Mac had always stopped him and then made it look harmless. Harm had seen the warning signs of a potential abuser and controlling, obssessive, possessive personality in the Aussie, but that was not enough to go to the Admiral with for the man to send the newcomer back to where he came from. Probably under some rock somewhere in the Outback, back to the rest of his family.

Harm also knew that if he were to tell Mac what he knew of Brumby she would not believe him, claiming that it was just his jealousy talking. She would then stick even closer to Brumby, get even closer to him, just to spite him.

Mac was a rebellious person, if she believed that someone wanted to influence her to do something, she would then do the exact opposite of that. This made her also easily manipulated and Harm had the feeling that her "fiancee" would make good use of that, or even had already. Perhaps threaten her with drastic measures to get her to move that ring over...

Her first marriage had come to life because of her rebellious nature, because the few true friends she had had, her classmates, her teachers, anyone who had given a damn about what happened to her, had seen the danger of her relationship with Ragle and had tried to talk her into breaking up with him.

Harm feared (not for himself but for Mac) of what she would do if he tried to talk to her about the issue.

He knew that Mac was desperately afraid of being alone, a completely unexplainably irrational fear, and it was this fear, plus vindictiveness, that was the cause for why she still kept that ring. Even though she WAS practically single, going home to an empty apartment every night and spending her off-duty time alone now that she'd pushed Harm away; that ring still gave her the illusion of being in a relationship. Harm had had no illusions what Mac had done with Bugme that first night after she had taken his ring, it was disgustingly clear at the airport, nor any of the other times she had taken a few days off and went to Australia, but it had also made his decision for him.

He wasn't ready for a relationship, ANY relationship at the time they were in Australia and he wanted Mac to understand that he WOULD be ready, that he would be ready for a relationship with her and that he wanted her to wait for him. But Mac wanted everything right that second and wasn't willing to wait for anyone or anything, even for the man she supposedly loved. Harm was uncomfortably reminded of spoiled, little girls, who want something immediately and throw temper tantrums when they can't get it.

The fact that Mac had decided to pay Harm back for his rejection by sleeping with the man Harm had hated from the first time he had laid eyes on him, hurt Harm, a lot, and had also made him even more determined to let go of everything that was holding him back.

Just that this time, to her own misfortune and her own fault, Mac was one of the things that Harm had let go.

It was time to move on with his life, leave behind everything that would hinder him, prevent him from finding happiness and Sarah Mackenzie couldn't blame anyone but herself (if she was honest and admitted the truth to herself) for the fact that she was one of the things being left behind.

Harm from now on had one mission and one mission only, and that mission was to live and be happy.

And he was going to make damn sure he would succeed in it.

He just first had to get through the next few days without having a heart attack from all the blushing from embarrassment.

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	15. Chapter 15

AN: I'm completely rewriting day 2 and this coupled with a hectic real life is the cause for such late and infrequent updates. I sincerely apologize for that.

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"I'll try to remember that, sir." said Loren, breaking Harm out of his ruminations.

He blinked a few times, trying to re-orient himself.

It took him a while to remember what they were talking about. And what she'd asked him to do. He hadn't even answered her yet and it was definitely time to rectify the situation.

"Okay."

Loren looked up questioningly.

"Commander?"

Harm glanced around, making sure that they weren't overheard. "We'll do that thing again tonight, if that's what you want."

Loren blushed, remembering her predicament. The cramps weren't as strong today, curtesy of the Harm-provided Midol, and she'd managed to forget about her predicament for a few precious minutes.

Unfortunately Harm had broken her out of her ignorance-induced bliss, but she couldn't fault him because she herself had initiated that line of conversation.

"You will?" a smile started to break out on her face. She knew she should've felt uncomfortable, but the fact that she would get a relief from the discomfort and some TLC from her good looking partner outbalanced any discomfort she may have been feeling.

The fact that she could've bought her own hot-water-bottle and talked to the main chef for the hot water, had never even crossed her mind. She would never admit it to herself, but she liked having Harm's attention, having his caring side directed at her, it made her feel cared about, something which she hadn't felt in quite a while.

None of her previous boyfriends (not that there were that many, she was always too career-oriented to put much effort into her love life) were caring, warm people, who would willingly help another being. They were mostly selfish, shallow jerks, who were interested in one thing and one things only: sex.

It made Loren feel dirty now, over how she had given her body and heart away to those undeserving sorry excuses for men, when there were other good, caring men out there who deserved someone to love them more than those jerks.

Men like Harmon Rabb.

She knew he was miserable and lonely, she'd seen it in his eyes, and she also knew that he was hurting, having a good idea as to who was the cause. She shook her head at Mac's actions, an intelligent woman would never reject a man like him and then jump in bed with a scumbag like Brumby, yet this supposedly intelligent woman did.

'Oh, well, her loss is my gain.' She just hoped Harm had finally realized that the older woman was not right for him, that she would only hurt him more if he continued to expose himself to her. She'd noticed lately that he wasn't acting like a love-sick puppy anymore, that he'd gotten back his spine and his shields. Love makes people stupid and CDR Rabb was the prime example for the saying, pining for a woman who neither wanted him, nor deserved him, because she so callously threw him away and chose another man over him. Had the woman loved him she would not be able to go to another man's bed so soon. And Loren was beginning to get the idea that he'd finally decided to move on and leave Mac behind. Loren wished him well and hoped he'd get everything he wanted.

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	16. Chapter 16

**AN**: I'm writing evening #2 as I go along (the rest is truly finished), which is why it's going so slowly. Add a writer's block, a case of lazyness, the fact that normally I write slowly,... and you can guess why it's taking this long for it to be posted. But rest assured, this fic WILL be finished and posted.

I just have to get through evening #2...

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"Of course, as long as you are comfortable with it."

Upon hearing those words Loren realized that she'd drifted off into La la land and Harm had been talking to her.

"Of course, otherwise I wouldn't have asked you to do it." she explained slowly.

"Okay then. Let's get through with these interviews and we'll meet up 1 hour after that in your room. Is that okay with you?" Harm looked at her, worried that he'd taken things too much into his hands. He never wanted to be the kind of man that likes to control women.

Her wordless nod reassured him and he was able to breath easier again.

"Good." he said and a smile of relief stretched his face, prompting a smile of her own from Loren.

"Now, lets finishing eating." Loren said, making the executive decision.

"Yes, ma'am." Harm joked and received a playful glare from Loren in return.

They finished their meal quickly, occasionally breaking up the silence with a short conversation.

Soon they were making their way out of the commisary, unaware of being closely scrutinized.

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A cook's helper turned to the old main cook. "Isn't that the CDR that was here yesterday evening, looking for water?"

The older woman smiled. "Yes, he is."

The young woman mulled thoughtfully. "I guess we now know who that hot water bottle was for. She's a lucky woman."

The cook sobered then. "You shouldn't be spreading that around, you could cause trouble for them. Whatever the business, it's their business, not ours."

The young woman swallowed. "Yes, ma'am, I'll remember that."

"Good." decreed the cook. To herself she muttered. "And she certainly is a lucky woman."

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Harm and Loren stepped out of the building and headed towards their vehicle.

Harm headed towards the passenger side, as Loren had the keys, when her hand on his forearm stopped him.

He looked at her questioningly.

"I'm not feeling good enough to drive right now." her eyes pleaded him to not talk about it and he aquiesced to her wishes.

He took the keys out of her hands and opened the passenger door for her, closing it once she was seated. Then he got in himself and glanced at her, checking to see if she was alright, before starting the car and driving off, towards their next interviews.

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REVIEW!!! It's how I get better. Aaannnddd cause I'm holding the next parts hostage. evil grin 


	17. Chapter 17

The rest of the day dragged on for both of them. For Loren especially.

Because she was in pain and knew that relief would be coming in the evening, along with that warm feeling of knowing that someone cared about her, it seemed that minutes were hours and hours were days. She couldn't wait until the interviews were over and she could get to her room. More than that, she couldn't wait until Harm would show up and make the pain go away, with an ugly orange hot water bottle and, more importantly and prominently, with his caring.

She and Harm grew increasingly comfortable in each other's presence, neither knowing how or why, but happy to be nonetheless. Two people who are uncomfortable in each other's company can not work effectively together, which is why they were happy about this new state.

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"I have some errands to run now. I'll see you in one hour." Harm said to Loren as he stopped in front of the VOQ.

She raised an elegant blonde eyebrow and an amused smile appeared on her lips. "Having a clandestine meeting with your mistress, aren't you?"

Harm smirked, her possessiveness came out again. It was quite amusing, but she would really have to do something about that, seeing as how they weren't involved.

He had the nasty feeling that if he ever got involved with some other woman there would probably be hell to pay and Loren would be the one dishing it out.

"No! You know I would never cheat on you, keeper of my heart. I will forever be true to you, my love." Harm wailed dramatically, reaching out with his hands towards her in a pleading gesture, for added effect.

Loren's eyes narrowed, she was absolutely sure that he was making fun of her. He gave her an innocent smile and her eyes narrowed further in return.

"You had better." Loren muttered threateningly and exited the car before he could respond. Harm stared after her in a daze, not knowing what he should make of her statement.

He had been jokingly thinking about her possessiveness just minutes ago and now it manifested itself again. The difference was, now it was not that funny anymore.

It was looking pretty serious now. It was starting to look like Loren was regarding them as a couple now, like he was hers and she was the only one to have the right to him, like he was her property. He would have to talk to her about that and set things straight.

But for some reason he found himself reluctant to do so.

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Loren closed the door behind herself and leaned back against it.

"Why the hell did I just say that? Why am I acting so territorial about him? Why now? What possessed me? Why the hell am I acting this way? What happened to me? To my shields? To my independence? What the hell is it about this man that just makes me lose control and say things that I shouldn't? Do things that I shouldn't? Feel things that I shouldn't? Want and crave things that I shouldn't?

Like slam him against the wall and take him right there and then. Like suddenly wanting a family so desperately. With just one man. Things like binding him to me forever and never letting him go. Never before have I wanted things like these.

I just hope I didn't completely scare him off and ruin everything that we have with that 'nice' little comment at the end. I can't lose his respect nor this friendship, that is developing between us, for anything in the world. He's the only one at the office who likes and respects me. Who doesn't hate nor despise me. The only one I can talk to, the only one I feel safe enough to confide in. The only one who makes me feel safe, cared about and appreciated. If I lose this all and him I'll have to ask for a transfer. He's been so nice to me, so gentle, so caring, more than anyone else before. I can't lose that, I can't lose him. I can't lose this magic that I've never before felt with any other man. After having felt it now, it would destroy me to lose it, lose him.

The answer is clear, I have to make sure never to lose him, to bind us together forever.

But how do I do that?'

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**AN: **3 reviews minimum for the next part of this fic.

For me to post the next part of "I'll never let you walk alone" 1 more review is needed. Come on, people, almost 200 hits for the chapter and just 1 review?

Reviewing is not a big effort, just click the Go for Submit Review and comment on some element of the chapter and then confirm submission.

It's not hard and it means a lot to me. Plus, that way you get new chapters sooner.


	18. Chapter 18

**michelle UK: **OH! resorting to death-threats are you? LOL. Here is the next chapter.

**qball: **loved your review, it certainly made me laugh. Seriously, the reason why I'm asking for reviews is because they give me plot ideas many times (a few chapters of the other fic I'm posting have been influenced and inspired by reviews) and they let me know that readers would like more. I'm not looking for praise or anything, in fact I like constructive ideas more.

**DD2: **thank you! Here is the next chapter!

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Mrs Marge Wilson smiled when she thought of the flustered younger man showing up in her kitchen again.

The evening rush hour had just ended and the commissary was relatively empty.

The perfect time for the cloak and dagger operations that the CDR preferred.

After all, there were not so many people there then, who would observe him take something as strange and telling as a hot water bottle out of his duffel. Thus there would also be no, or just minimal, gossip about this on the base.

Suddenly the back door opened and the man himself stood there, still in his uniform, with his faithful duffel slung over his shoulder.

'Speak of the devil and he shall appear.' thought Marge to herself.

She smiled at the younger man as he came closer, nodding to the other members of the kitchen staff.

The younger female members gave him long, scorching looks, obviously quite appreciating the view, as he walked by them, nodding his greetings to them.

The fluttering of eyelashes, the way they thrust out their chests, their throaty voices as they greeted him back, this all made Marge grin. They were obviously making a play for him, trying to seduce him.

These young women still believed they had a chance with the tall, handsome CDR, while it was absolutely clear to Marge that he was already taken. From the way the pretty, petite blonde had acted, there was already a claim staked on him, whether he knew it or not.

Some people, who think themselves better than animals, might find it offensive, but the truth is that many aspects of human inter-personal relationships, the body language, the unwritten laws and rules we follow, the way we act, behave, the silent signals we give off to mark our territory or to show our interest or to warn off potential tresspassers,... are still pretty much primal, primitive, exact replicas of animal behaviour, something on which most psychologists, sexologists, sociologists and biologists agree. As the biologists say, humans are just higher evolved animals (they are neither plants nor minerals), thus it stands to reason that something so utterly basic and primal as mating rituals would remain the same as with other species.

And the way the beautiful, blonde LT had acted around and towards Harm and the signals she gave off to everyone else, it spoke very clearly to anyone who knew the language, that the LT had staked her claim on the tall CDR and was warning off every other female, protecting her territory, her chosen mate.

The CDR was a marked man, the petite LT had, with her behaviour and body language, marked him as clearly and unmistakeably, as if she had marked him with a love bite or peed on him.

Marge had observed the two very closely and her theory was proven correct by the LT's outburst about her being possessive.

Unfortunately the young, civilian, female members of the kitchen staff, the ones that were trying their hardest to spark some interest in Harm for them, had not seen the scene that would've told them how futile their tries were.

Had they been more experienced, the fact that he went to such lengths, did something that most men would find embarrassing if not humiliating, as to go beg for hot water just to help his partner relieve her pain, would've told them just how taken he already was. Married man do that, not just friends.

What Marge wanted to know was, if Harm was aware of his status himself.

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	19. Chapter 19

**AN: **I'm sorry this is taking so long, but with a writer's block, a couple of other fics in the making and posting, College, and a bike being restored, and of course the daily unnecessary things like eating and sleeping, I can't update this as often as I'd like. As soon as I get evening 2 written then we'll be home free cause the evening 3 and everything else is finished.

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"How are you, CDR?" asked Marge with a wide smile.

Harm instantly relaxed at her pleasant greeting, this woman reminded him so much of his grandmother, only that she was younger than Sarah Rabb.

"Good, thank you, Mrs. Wilson. And how are you?" Harm said, making small talk.

Marge motioned for him to follow her and she lead him towards the back of the kitched, where a kettle was heating on a fire, all the while chatting about inconsequential things..

The lusty gazes followed Harm and, as always, he was unaware of the looks he was attracting. Years ago he would've been fully aware of them, but as he grew older that kind of thing wasn't attractive to him anymore, making him oblivious to women interested in only his body and what kind of pleasure it could provide them with. Now he was looking for a mate, a wife and mother to his children, but more importantly, a woman he loved, who loved him, and with whom he would want to spend the rest of his life. Casual affairs and one night stands didn't appeal to him, not that they did that much when he was younger.

Marge turned the fire off and grabbed a couple of kitchen gloves, the kind used to handle hot kitchenware.

Harm, in the mean time, had pulled the duffel off his shoulder and removed the rubber hot wateer bottle.

On Marge's instruction he propped it up in a sink and watched as Marge filled it with the hot water from the kettle.

She was soon done and sealed the hot water bottle carefully, making sure that it wouldn't spill during the transport to it's intended recipient.

She then stood back and watched Harm as he grabbed it with towels and stored it into his duffel.

"She's a lucky girl." she finally said.

Harm startled from surprise at the sudden conversation and almost dropped the duffel.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, she's a lucky girl."

"Who?" Harm played innocent.

"The beautiful, young blonde that was here with you for lunch. The one who admitted to being possessive of you. The one this is all for." she said smugly and observed as Harm slightly blushed and nodded in resignation, acknowledging that he wouldn't be evading answering again.

"I don't know many men, actually I don't know of any other man, who would do something like this for a woman. She's lucky to have you."

Harm quickly corrected. "We're not together, we're just co-workers."

Her wise eyes regarded him. "You are doing this for a mere co-worker? Most interesting."

"Her room is next to mine and I knew that she was in a lot of pain. I couldn't just ignore it, not without trying to help in any way. Besides, I couldn't sleep when she kept me up with her constant pacing." Harm defended himself, but deflated when he noticed that she didn't believe him any.

"I'm sure." she said mockingly.

Then she continued more seriously. "You may not have her, but she has you, even if you don't know it yourself or don't want to acknowledge it. Now, go to her, she needs you." she shooed him out of her kitchen.

Harm looked at her stunned and obeyed. As he left the building he asked himself if Marge was right. Did Loren really have a claim on him somehow? And just how exactly did she need him? He had to concede to the fact that he certainly did some thing that could quite easily be interpreted as him being whipped. Like buying pads for her and so on. He didn't want to contemplate what it all meant, what his actions indicated. What he should've done was to deliver the hot water bottle to Loren and then get back to a fully professional attitude the next day and get on with his life.

He should've done it, but instead he pulled into a parking lot of the first store he saw and went in to look for chocolates he thought she would've liked.

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	20. Chapter 20

**AN: **I see you liked the last chapter's ending (evil grin), which is why I hope you'll like this one (even more evil grin).

Anyway, thank you for reading and taking the time to review, it really means a lot to me.

This part is about something that I feel is necessary and realistic, namely Harm taking the time to wonder if he was doing the right thing and questioning what was happening, what could the consequences be, ruminating over latest events,... Except for the last few paragraphs it's just about introspection.

I hope you'll enjoy it, take care and let me know if you liked it (my psychotic cat will deal with those giving me death threats).

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Harm pulled into the VOQ's parking lot and contemplated whether he should proceed with his plan or not.

It would open a can of worms, a can he wasn't sure he wanted to have open. But, then again, hadn't he done that just yesterday? Wasn't that can open already, with worms all over the place?

Hadn't he already stepped over the line, more like completely erased it?

Did they... did he completely trash the regs? Were there even regs concerning a situation like this one?

He doubted it and it could most probably be stuffed into the "Treatment, care and counseling" box of the regs concerning relationships of members of the military.

Yesterday it was completely innocent, no matter how strained the events leading to the actual act were. He just put the bottle on her tummy (who's strong musculature and that adorable little bump, that some women had no matter how much they tried to flatten it, just wouldn't leave his mind) and left the room as if hell itself was at his heels.

Today they weren't that innocent.

Loren demonstrating her sudden possessiveness of him (when did that happen?) and publicly admitting it, was something completely different. As much as he would've wanted to pretend, her behaviour alone could've sealed their fate. They were currently partners and she was his junior officer and that was enough to have them both demoted and out of the Navy.

Well, if it was them, if it was Mac in their position her career would've taken a boost and not a hit, as it had been proven time and time again that everytime she did something that should've had her disbarred, stripped of rank and thrown into jail, like lying in court even though she was an officer of the court, she got off scot-free and even promoted ahead of time only a few months later, while his promotion was even pushed back because he went back to flying. He had thought he was over this injustice, but he had to admit to himself that he wasn't and it wasn't something anyone would've been over that soon. The fact that she had abused her new rank regularly and pulled it on him stung even more, just adding insult to injury. They were supposed to be friends and he knew of no-one but Mac who would do something like that to a friend, not to mention best friend. He knew there was nothing he could do, it was just another injustice in the world and he had to move on.

On the other hand, it wasn't as if there was any proof, or even a hint, of something that didn't even exist - fraternization in the form of sexual relations between him and Loren.

What they were doing would fall under the "Treatment, care and counseling" guildline. He was providing her with medical treatment and care and that was fully allowed by the UCMJ. As long as he did not use his position to gain any personal benefit or seek or engage in sexual activity with Loren, and he would rather cut off his own family jewels than use his position to coerce her into sex, they would have nothing to worry about.

That appeased him, or so he thought.

When he went to grab the door handle he noticed just how much his hands were shaking from nerves. He shook his hand and then squeezed it into a fist violently, feeling pain in his bones from the grip. Yet it served it's purpose and his hand shook no more.

He exited the car with his duffel and a shopping bag, locked it up and crossed the parking lot into the VOQ.

Once on their floor he quickly knocked on her door, glad that there wasn't a surveillance camera. The whole security system was a lone guard patrolling the whole building and he was on the top floor at the moment.

"Come in, the door is open!" came from inside.

Harm felt dread wash over him. The last time a woman had said that to him (other than Mac who obviously wasn't interested in him) it was because she was waiting for him on the bed, wearing a corsette-type-lacy-thingy that showed off her abundant breasts and pretty vulgar panties that were designed to allow easy and immediate access. The whole assemble definitely took away all hints of romance and left him feeling empty. He shuddered at the memory of just how unromantic and vulgar those panties were. Even at the time of his most hormonal-self he wasn't the type for "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am!" and that was just what those panties were for, for someone too impatient to take time to remove them, either the wearer or the their partner. That was the day when he realized he wanted more in his life than just sex, that he wanted love.

Harm crossed the small quarters quickly and tentatively pushed the bedroom door open. What he saw there made his eyes go wide in shock, throat dry and pulse racing. His numb fingers let go of their cargo, letting the duffel and the bag fall to the floor. He couldn't believe his eyes!

A weak, low croak was all he could get out.

"Loren?"

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	21. Chapter 21

**AN: **this chapter was quite hard to write because I couldn't find inspiration for quite a while, beside my RL.

I only found inspiration today, when I have write a research paper as a summary of a 170 pages long book shortened to 20 pages.

Letter to Santa will be updated later today for this same reason.

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His very strange reaction to the sight of her lounging on the bed in a T-shirt and sweat pants got him a concerned. "What is it, Harm?"

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't speak and he couldn't move. He wasn't even sure his heart was beating.

Loren rose from her bed, where she was waiting for him in order to make it easier and less awkward on both of them, and walked towards him.

His eyes were rivetted to the way her hips, her thighs, calfs, her delicate, bare ankles and feet moved as she walked. The way she moved, the way she looked, even in those ugly sweats, transfixed him completely. She had different sweats on tonight than yesterday, tighter, but not tight yet complimenting her figure enough for him to get a good idea of how strong her thighs were when she moved her legs and the sweats tightened and stretched across her thighs. He had never seen such attractive ankles, since he never paid much attention to that body part, but these just drew his eyes. His hands itched to take those delicate ankles and massage them, bringing moans of pleasure out of her.

She moved elegantly, pure poetry in motion, confidently, clearly comfortable in her own body, cat-like.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, Harm had one of those thoughts and images that flash across one's mind without any control over them. He suddenly had a thought accompanied by a mental video. Suddenly, watching her walk so elegantly towards him, he briefly wondered if she'd still be that comfortable in her own body and walking that elegantly when she was pregnant and large with their child. The video that accompanied that thought took his breath away.

In his mind he saw Loren 8 months pregnant with their child, walking over to him to greet him with a kiss as he returns home from work.

Though her walk is not as elegant as now, her cute waddle was not as pronounced as with some women, but still bringing a tender and loving smile to his lips and heart. And, as she hugs him and kisses him, her large, pregnant belly presses against his flat one and he feels their child kick against him.

Then the short video was over and another brief image flashed.

Loren, flushed, exhausted, sweaty, but infinitely, unimaginably and amazingly beautiful, is holding their baby in her arms, just seconds after she had given birth and the look of love and complete happiness with which she's looking at him makes Harm's heart ache with that some love and happiness.

And then suddenly it was over and he was back in Loren's bedroom in the VOQ and they were just partners, becoming friends, not in love, not married and not having a child together; and a wave of such loss, loneliness, pain and longing swept over him that he felt his heart break and tears came into his eyes.

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Loren grew even more concerned when she saw him suddenly unfocus and a sappy smile settled on his face at something only he saw in that place only he inhabited.

She had risen from her bed when she saw him suddenly stop in the doorway when he entered her bedroom and dropped his duffel.

She could've sworn he'd stopped breathing and she looked down at herself to find the cause, only seeing the T-shirt that a long-dead friend had given her all those years ago.

She couldn't understand why he'd reacted the way he did.

She was now standing before him, about to reach up and check if he was alright, check his breathing and pupils, when he came back to the present and the sudden heartbreak she saw settle in his eyes, accompanied by a telling sheen, almost made her cry herself.

Something terrible must've happened for him to suddenly feel such pain and defeat and her response surprised her.

Since when did she start feeling his pain as if it was her own, yet magnified in it's intensity?

When did she start feeling like this for him?

The pain then suddenly vanished and walls came down in his eyes.

High, strong walls, walls she instantly recognized, for she'd built the same ones over the years. The same walls that had been crumbling these past few days because of him, because of his caring and his tenderness. And she longed for his walls to disappear, to be the one to make them go away, but she didn't know how.

And this helplessness almost broke her heart.

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	22. Chapter 22

Harm shook his pain off with practiced ease and locked it away into that box in the corner of his heart, where people and things like his father, Gym, Diane and his lost close friendship with Mac resided.

He shook off the pain and the thoughts that he'd had only second ago away and raised those walls again.

What had even possessed him to think of things like that? He didn't feel like that for Loren!

Sure, they were becoming friends, it would be hard to avoid it with what they'd shared these past few days, but he certainly didn't think of her in that way. In the terms of forever.

For forever it would be if he were to marry her and have a family with her.

Harm was not one to go into marriage without knowing for certain that it would work and he certainly did not believe in divorce or separation. The woman whom he would marry and have children with would be stuck with him for life and have his complete and unending love, faithfulness and devotion. Until now he had never met a woman with whom he could imagine himself married, having a family and spending the rest of his life with.

This was the sole reason for why he had never fully committed himself to women he'd dated, except for 2 women. Diane and Mac.

He wanted to marry Diane and, not only his plans, but also his life fell apart when she was killed. On the other hand, her grudge, resentment and anger because he'd left for flying was more important to Mac than everything they'd shared for the 3 years before that and because of that another possible future ceased to exist. She couldn't get over herself and what she incorrectly, in her self-centered egotism, considered his betrayal of her when he went to do what he HAD to do in order to close that chapter of his life and finally move on from his last ghost, in order to be ready for eternity with her.

When he'd proposed the baby deal to her he had committed himself to her. To him it was logical that they would not only make a baby, but would be together in every sense, which included marriage, and that for the rest of their lives. He could never consider making a baby with a woman and then ignoring them, or being just a part-time father. The fact that he himself had grown up without his father would prevent him from ever subjecting his own children to that same experience. Yet Mac had put her own bitterness and hurt above what they'd had and made him pay for his "betrayal". Then came Sydney and everything fell apart, never to be recoverable ever again.

And now he was suddenly having visions of being married to another woman, visions of Loren being pregnant with their child, making love with every day, spending the rest of his life with her.

With a woman whom he had never, in the short time he'd known her, considered even as a potential mate.

Was he having the middle age crisis or a male version of the biological clock?

He knew that, contrary to women, men are able to contribute to conceiving a child well into their old age. Charlie Chaplin had impregnated a woman when he was well into his 70's.

Yet Harm didn't want to wait that long, he didn't even want to wait for another 4 years.

To make it worse, now it was obvious that, if he were to wait for the baby deal, he would be waiting in vain.

Mac was getting married, their friendship was in ruins, thus the deal was null and void.

He had to move on.

Maybe this woman, who's true wonderful personality he was slowly uncovering, would be the one.

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	23. Chapter 23

Harm came back to the present when Loren's hand gently touched his cheek.

When she saw he was back from la-la-land she quickly removed her hand and Harm instantly missed it's warmth and it's comforting presence.

Only very seldom did he allow himself to wallow in self-pity and never in the presence of another person. Not even as a child. Thus he'd never had anyone comfort him in his time of weakness and this new sensation was strange. It was also wonderful and... comforting.

He instanly felt the loss of it, but didn't let it show.

Harm looked at Loren questioningly and was again confronted by IT. The thing that had transformed him into a stuttering idiot just a few minutes ago.

He couldn't help himself but ask. "Where did you get that T-shirt?"

She was wearing a light gray T-shirt with a picture of a Tomcat and the words "My man's second car." emblazoned on it.

Instead of the reaction he'd expected, like blushing, what he got was a terrible sadness coming into Loren's eyes and he instantly regretted asking the question.

"It's okay." Harm soothed. "You don't have to tell me. I didn't mean to bring back bad memories."

She shook her head, dismissing his words. "It's okay, Harm, you didn't know. But I want to tell you. You have the right to know."

Her words surprised him and he couldn't stop his eyebrow from raising questioningly.

"Three reasons." she explained. "1. You're a Tomcat pilot. 2. You're my friend, who is also a Tomcat pilot. 3. We are becoming very close and that is why you deserve to know everything about me."

Well, that definitely made him speechless. It was the first time either of them mentioned what effects these latest events had on their evolving friendship.

It was also the first time either of them said that they were friends.

How far they'd come in the last few days, from co-workers, to partners, to friends...

The future did look bright indeed, with the kind of connection the two of them seemed to have.

"I had a friend at OCS. He was one of the rare friends I'd ever had, but we weren't very close, I'd never let anyone get too close. Until now. He was to me what the Gunny is to you. A good friend, but nothing more. After OCS he went on to the flight school and eventually became a Tomcat pilot. I was a communications officer at that time. We met after a few years without contact and he gave me this T-shirt as a gag gift. 1 year later, that was 3 years ago, his plane went down and it was ruled pilot error. Yet one JAG lawyer didn't believe in it and continued to investigate. He found out it was faulty software's fault and so cleared Dominic's name of all guilt. He inspired me to become a lawyer myself."

Harm's eyes unfocused at her tale. 'Where did I hear that name, associated with Tomcats, before? Dominic... Dominic... LTJG Dominic Sanchez! Oh god!' His eyes widened at the implications and when he looked back into Loren's eyes, he found his confirmation there.

"Yes." she whispered. "You were that lawyer. You have never thought about how many lives you've touched since you've become a lawyer, have you? This is also the reason why I was so thrilled to be transferred to HQ and to be partnered with you for this case. Why you are the only one I respect and like. You've earned those privileges even before you've met me. And, let's face it, you are the only one really worthy of respect at HQ." She thought of his ex-partner and shuddered. She'd seen how the woman behaved towards Harm and others, witnessed and was victim to her superior and aloof attitude in the courtroom and outside, and couldn't find anything in Mac to respect or like. From what she'd heard from others, she could've found reasons to respect and like her even 1 year ago, but not anymore.

"Wow." was the only thing Harm could say, too stunned to see Loren's reaction to her thoughts. It stumped him for how long their lives had been intervowen with each other's, without them even knowing. Now it was clear that they were meant to be friends.

"Yes, wow." agreed Loren, for it was the only thing to say.

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	24. Chapter 24

AN: still not sure whether Harm being the one to inspire Loren was a good idea, but, oh well, what is done is done.

Here is the next part. Will be getting to the action very soon.

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"So..." Harm said, with the express purpose of breaking the tense situation.

Things were becoming just little bit too uncomfortable for him and the way Loren was looking at him was making him squirm.

Unknown to Harm, Loren knew all to well what her gazing was doing to him. And the evil woman that she was, she was doing it on purpose and was thoroughly enjoying herself in the process!

She just loved to watch him squirm, he was just so adorable.

He was standing there, shifting his weight from one foot to the other and blushing, like a young boy with a crush.

Or a young buy having to face all those annoying aunties that insist on cooing over him, speak baby-talk and pinch his cheeks and completely ignoring the fact that he was way too old for such humiliating treatment...

Suddenly she found herself imagining wiping that embarrassed expression off his face with a passionate, full-on, tongue-including kiss.

And then tearing his clothes off, throwing him on the bed and joining her soul with him as well as her body.

'Damn.' she thought, now blushing fiercely herself. 'These damn hormones! What the hell is the matter with me these last few days!? I'm behaving like a bitch in heat when being around him! That's never happened before with any other man, why now?'

She was angry at herself and she was angry at Harm.

Of course, if she were truthful with herself she would've admitted that she was constantly changing her mind about what to do to Harm.

One minute she wanted to hit him for being so infuriating, the next hit him because she just wanted to jump his bones and ride him until they were both raw and sore and exhausted, but he wasn't recognizing her signals and because there were still the frat regs..; then she wanted to cry and kiss him for being so sweet to her, taking care of her without so much as a complaint during this difficult and unpleasant time for her, and then she wanted to hit him because he didn't take the hint and jump her himself. To say she was a mess of hormones was an understatement.

She remembered what a co-worker of hers, an ENS Marguerite Cruex, now Mrs John Roxton, had told her a long time ago.

Marguerite's family had had an award-winning Chocolate Persian cat. They wanted to have more of them and had thus made arrangements with people who owned another award-winning cat, a tomcat, to get the two cats together and let the nature take it's course. The owners of the tomcat would then receive one of those kittens as payment for their tomcat's "participation".

The first time the two cats met it looked promising, until...

Suddenly the female cat attacked the tomcat and beat him up (it was a long drive from one cat's home to another and she was irritable). Well, not for real, or anything like that, the human equivalent would be the so-called "bitch slaps". Needless to say, the tomcat was confused by her unexpected attack, thus failing to protect himself, and his feelings and pride were hurt, but he recovered in about an hour. He forgave her and then they got it on. 7 cute little kittens were the result of that pairing.

The cats' situation reminded Loren eerily of her own.

Well, except for the whole thing about them being cats and Loren being a human woman, then about the kittens and so on.

But, ignoring all that, some parts of these two situations were quite similar.

Both Loren and the female cat had hormones raging inside them (though at any other time she would've knocked out the one who'd dare compare her to a cat) and both felt the strong urge to slap the emotionally and physically closest male (while the cat followed through on that urge, Loren was still deliberating on acting on it herself; interestingly, she completely ignored the threat of a Court-Martial for striking a superior officer), who was also the potential mate (her body and mind and heart had let Loren know pretty well that they considered Harm that way).

Well, in Loren's case, the slap hadn't happened (yet), the sex even less so and she was defintiely not pregnant or having had given birth already to their kids...

But those are just really, really minor details that should just be ignored. Cause, after all, it's not as if they are that important, right?

One of the biggest drawbacks and price of 'that time' for Loren was the fact that she couldn't lie to herself about anything for those few days a month. She was being completely honest with herself about everything during that time, couldn't hide anything from herself, nor bury herself in denial.

Thus, she had to admit and acknowledge to herself that the prospect of having Harmon Rabb as her mate wasn't that unappealing.

And if she was completely, brutally, totally, honest with herself she also had to admit that the prospect of having children with him was definitely very attractive. Just with him, though, she couldn't imagine it with any other man (that fact was ignored, since denial didn't work, also). They would be beautiful kids.

Okay, definitely not 7, she was not a cat meant for breeding, but 2 or 3 would do nicely...

Along with a white, big, family house in the country, a very large backyard with a few acres of land, mostly forrest and meadows, a dog, a cat, an SUV, a pair of rings on her finger and a different last name on her ID tag. But these dreams were buried so deeply and thoroughly that she wasn't even aware of them, which is why she hadn't admitted them to herself during her time of honesty yet.

But the reason for why she was still alone and lonely was still there and still had her in it's clutches.

And she still didn't know how to break free...

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	25. Chapter 25

Would like to take this time to welcome a new Harm/Singer writer in our little community. Welcome, Starman800!

If you guys haven't read it yet, I suggest you quickly read his wonderful fic "Forgiveness", it's most definitely worth the read.

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"So..." returned Loren and shrugged.

Loren reached out to take his hand and lead him to the bed when she realized just what kind of wrong intention this would suggest. Sex was not something she took lightly nor initiated early in a relationship, and definitely would not take it lighly with him, so definitely didn't mean what her gesture implied.

Harm's wide-eyes stare made it completely obvious that he'd just jumped to the conclusion that she didn't want him to.

She dropped her arm and looked away, blushing.

Then, without a word, she turned and strode slowly towards her bed and sat on it hesitantly, as if she feared it would bite her.

Then she leaned back and stretched out on her back, waiting for him to do his thing.

Harm leaned down, without removing his eyes from her form, then grabbed the bag and the duffel, and straightened up again.

He crossed the divide between them with just a few steps and put down his burden.

To Loren's immense surprise he grew shy again and she just waited for him to scuff his toe in the carpet.

The man she was getting to know these past few days was so completely different from the reputation he'd had among the personnel, finally and fully confirming the theories she'd had about him since she'd met him, but was unable to confirm until now.

This was definitely not the man who was supposed to have 2 women (different each week) hanging off of his arms at any given moment!

This man was definitely not some brash Don Juan, seducing women left and right!

As Loren was learning to know him she'd confirmed that he was actually pretty shy and insecure when it came to relationships and it occured to her that most of the time he probably wasn't the one to initiate a relationship, but the woman that pursued him.

So she'd decided to let him lead in this endeavor, to build up his self-confidence and self-esteem, to help heal his ego, that had taken severe beating these past few years of constant rejections, red lights and snarky comments from one woman. Loren herself had heard Mac comment on the supposed size of Harm's ego more than once and could not believe how little did the older woman know the man who was the best friend to her and to whom she owed more than her own life, her soul, her freedom and her sobriety. In the 3,5 years of knowing the man the LtCol had never realized something that Loren had realized in just days.

Namely his ego wasn't big, it was actually quite tame and fragile and was easily hurt and bruised by the people he cared about. And LtCol Mackenzie had often said that his ego is too big and needs to be deflated, which she faithfully did, never realizing just how much she was damaging this wonderful man. She contributed to make Harm into what he was now, a mass of hurt, a mass of insecurities, of issues, a man who was gun-shy around women and was afraid of getting involved because of how easily he could get hurt.

Loren had seen Harm sometimes look at Mac with sad and broken hearted longing in his eyes as the target of his observations was very cozy with the dumb Aussie and making damn sure everyone, especially one ex-partner, knew it. There was no longing in the taller woman's eyes when she looked at Harm, though.

By letting Harm lead in this 'thing' that was taking place between them for the past 2 days, different as though it was from romantic relationships, Loren was showing him that there _are_ women that approve of his decisions, actions and believe that he is doing things correctly, that they trust him to do something and don't even take into consideration the possibility that he would screw it up. She was showing him that there _are _women who are content to let him proceed at his own pace, in his own comfort zone, and would accept his every overture, without throwing him a red light or rejecting him in other ways. Women, who would take what he was willing and able to offer them, without demanding more and being angry and vindictive when he couldn't give it to them, because he wasn't ready yet. Women, who wouldn't immediately run to another man to get from that man what Harm wasn't able to give them yet, but would wait for him, wait until he was able to give it and would take it whole-heartedly and gratefully, all the while appreciating him for who he was and never taking him for granted.

It had surprised her when she realized she considered him a friend and with such a status new responsibilities came to life.

Like the responsibility to help him heal and help him become a self-assured and self-confident member of the society. He had also taken up responsibility of being a friend and was making her feel more comfortable in her own body, more comfortable around him, caring about her by not wanting her to suffer unneeded pain, doing everything to lessen that pain, caring about and for her. She knew with the same certainty that she knew that a day comes after a night that, as soon as he finds out about them, he will also help her with her own issues, help make them go away and help her heal. Until she was ready to let him in deeper she would just let him help with her physical pain.

While this was just a small way of helping him, it was all that she'd dared to at this early stage in their friendship and with her own issues still breathing down her neck.

She had a feeling, though, that the current state of affairs would be changing very soon and new responsibilities and rights regarding him would become open to her and she would get a much more important role, with more say in his life.

She was terrified.

As well as shivering from anticipation.

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	26. Chapter 26

**an:** updates will be more regular from now on.

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Harm blushed again and sat down on the bed just as tentatively as she had.

Then he started rummaging through the shopping bag that he'd brought with and pulled something out.

'He'd bought me chocolate!' she cheered silently, a warm wave of feeling and surprise washing over her.

And was so unsure in offering them that Loren just wanted kiss him. 'Damn these hormones!'

"I bought these for you, thought you might like them." he said hesitantly. When she'd said nothing, too caught up in her own emotions, whirling through her at his thoughtful gesture, he took it as a rejection. His features fell as he quickly started back-pedalling. "But it's no problem if you don't want them. I'm sure I can give them to someone or eat them myself..."

He surely would've continued babbling until he'd think of it and escape from the room, but Loren had finally managed to calm herself down enough to croak out a teary. "Thank you, I love them."

Her own, very emotional, reaction to his gift had caught her by surprise. She knew that he cared about her, the past 2 days had showed that, so it shouldn't have surprised her that he would take it upon himself to provide her with a bit of flavour heaven, but it still did.

He was so sweet, he wasn't just making the pain go away, but he was also looking out for her comfort, for other ways to brighten her up and to give her pleasure.

The sudden rush of emotions assaulted her in such a fury that her throat closed up and tears welled into her eyes, one even managing to slip through her defences and slide down her cheek.

Thankfully he was looking the other way, due to his nervousness in offering this he couldn't look at her in fear of seeing rejection or repulsion in her eyes.

He had stepped over the fine line with this seemingly innocent act of buying chocolate for her.

Until now it was just about providing her with medical attention, giving her relief from pain, just doing what was absolutely necessary and nothing more, but his buying her chocolate had put them over that line of pure in simple medical attention.

A single man buying chocolate for a single woman without prompting is seen as a romantic overture.

Even though he didn't mean it that way, that's how it would look like to anyone else. Anyone who wanted to make his and Loren's interaction their business.

With this simple act of buying chocolate he had acknowledged himself that he was personally involved, either by friendship or by some hidden hope for more, with this woman.

He was brought out of his misery at her non-reaction by her choked voice and then was startled out of his skin when she took the sugary confection with one hand and trailed the back of the other gently down his cheek, making goosbumps appear and his eyes flutter closed from the tender sensation.

He opened his eyes only because of another surprise.

He heard Loren's voice from close to his face saying "Thank you." and then she kissed him on his other cheek.

His eyes shot open to catch her leaning back from him, a tender and cryptic smile on her face.

They watched each other for a few seconds, Harm still being affected by her gesture, when he saw her raise her eyebrow.

He started and realized what he was supposed to be doing.

He leaned down, pulled the zipper of his duffel and took out the towel-wrapped hot water bottle.

Carefully he put it on her belly, freezing when he heard her moan. He quickly glanced at her face, checking to see if he'd hurt her somehow, but all he saw was an expression of bliss.

Then suddenly she turned on her side with her back to him.

He sat back stupefied, afraid that he'd somehow offended or hurt her, but was reassured immediately when she looked back at him over her shoulder and asked with pleading eyes. How could anyone resist such beautiful, big, impossibly blue, pleading eyes?

"My back's been hurting me a lot today..."

Her request was as clear as crystal.

Harms smiled gently. Did she actually expect him to refuse after the look she'd given him?

He moved fully onto the bed, sitting Indian-style, and moved closer to her.

Then he reached out and brought his hands on the small of her back, where he suspected most of the pain was located. With precise and confident movements he began maping the knots and memorizing the territory, again meeting just the right muscle tone. What little fat there was was of the healthy kind, the kind that no amount of exercise and healthy eating can dispell.

When he mapped out the topography of her lower back he began working on dissolving the knots he'd found and knead away the pain induced by her body's reproductive cycle.

Soon, Loren started purring from his gentle ministrations and feel into a relaxed and pain-free sleep.

Harm eventually stopped his task and spent several minutes just staring at her.

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	27. Chapter 27

**michelle:** all in due time, my dear, all in due time...

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This was the woman who'd blasted into his life out of nowhere and took him on the wildest ride of his life immediately after being partnered with him.

He'd never imagined that he would ever be able to move past the hurt Mac had caused with his rejection of him when he left for flying, her treatment of him when he'd returned to JAG and how she threw away years of history for another man, a man who wasn't fit to clean those high heels she was so fond of wearing to work.

Now this new woman had managed to do what only one other, another blonde LT, had managed 5 years ago. She'd wormed her way into his heart in a matter of hours, giving him a new hope for the future.

With his finger he moved a stray strand of hair off her beautiful face and tucked it behind her ear.

Then his finger started it's quest again and trailed tenderly down her cheek. In her sleep she felt the caress and nuzzled against it.

Harm's breath hitched, both from the fear that he'd woken her up and from the way she reacted to his touch. Never before had he met a woman who's reaction to his touch and presence was so strong.

His fingers continued their journey and outlined every feature of her face.

Her high cheekbones, perfect nose that she sometimes wrinkled in that cute way of hers, elegant eyebrows, full, pouty lips that were just meant to be kissed by his own, large, inquisitive blue eyes, that he could just drown in and that were currently hidden by her eyelids, and the utterly feminine chin and a graceful jaw.

Such perfection in just one woman.

That was the moment that he'd realized that he'd fallen in love with her and fallen hard.

When you can't imagine anyone more beautiful and perfect in the entire world and would want to spend the rest of your life with them, raise a family with them, have kids that look like them, then you know you're in love.

Harm sighed at this revelation and shook his head.

Maybe he was in love with her, but that still didn't mean that he would act on it.

Most of all it didn't mean that she felt the same for him.

With one last caress he leaned down and gently kissed her on the cheek. If they were to ever kiss on the lips it would be only with her permission and with her being fully coherent and alert.

Straightening up, he got off the bed, grabbed the duffel, stuffed the shopping bag in it, leaving the hot water bottle where it was, warming her belly, and headed towards the door of her bedroom.

At the doorway he stopped and allowed himself just one glance of her over his shoulder, before stepping over the threshhold and closing the door quietly behind himself.

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Loren heard her bedroom's door click shut and stirred a little, hugging the bottle to herself. It was a reminder of him.

She'd never fallen this fast for anyone in her life and the fact that she did and the intensity of her love for him scared her. Her love for him urged her to forget her fears and doubts and dangers and give into her feelings and claim him properly, not just talk empty words about him being hers. Besides, she didn't know if he felt the same, but the kiss on her cheek was beating that doubt into submission. Why else would he kiss her?

She felt a little bad about pretending to be asleep, but she wanted to just enjoy his presence in silence, with nothing to distract her from it. Most of all, she just wanted to enjoy his touch in peace.

She knew it wasn't nice of her to take advantage of his caring, but it'd been years, actually never, that a man had showed her so much consideration and caring.

She felt appreciated, she felt cared for, cared about, seen as a woman,... but most of all... she felt loved.

She wanted more and she wanted it just from him!

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	28. Chapter 28

**an:** the next one is about two times longer. I think.

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On the third day Harm had the sneaky suspicion that Loren was playing it up a little.

His clues?

She groaned and moaned quite vocally, louder than the previous two days, whenever they were alone, and was quiet, with only an occasional wince and paling of her face (which he surmissed was the real pain), whenever they were around other people. Further more, she stuck to him like glue and ALWAYS made certain his attention was on her before she groaned in pain. Which was quite often since his mind seemed to constantly revolve around her recently and he kept catching himself looking at her, admiring her beauty, outer and especially inner.

So, she often caught his attention being focused on her (sometimes at pretty inopportune moments, like talking to a superior officer), which is why she had the chance to give him the clues pretty often.

Wonder what would happen if he ignored her?

He tested this theory and not once in the ten minutes that he pretended to ignore her did she make a sound that was not connected to the job at hand.

But when he finally turned his attention back on her he saw her giving him a REALLY dirty look, just before she covered it up with her professional mask.

She was pissed at him. Very pissed.

And he could've sworn he saw a pang of hurt because of his ignoring of her in those ice blue windows to the soul. It made him feel ashamed and guilty.

She was pissed at him the way a girlfriend or a wife would be pissed at her boyfriend/husband if he was completely absorbed in the TV or car when she wanted some attentions from him.

This all made him grin. She wanted more?

Of course she wanted more. Every woman wants to be pampered, at least from time to time.

And it definitely looked like she was giving him the green light to continue doing so.

Hell, she was practically asking him to!

So, for the last night he had something special planned.

It had taken him a couple of hours of careful planning, but he finally had it all in place and just waited for the right time to implement it. She would never know what hit her (in a good way, he would never hurt a woman, unless she was trying to kill or hurt someone).

He knew it was not nice of him to ask her to do the last interview herself, but in order to get the surprise ready for her he had to keep her distracted and he had to be by himself.

During the day he'd managed to swipe her room key, a skill taught to him by the commander of a Red Cell unit, who then incidentally stole a nuclear submarine with Bud on board to teach a base commander a lesson on the utter failure of security on his base.

When the appropriate time came Harm excused himself saying that he had to attend to something personal and left her the car so she could get to the next interview.

The abandoned/kicked puppy look she gave him nearly broke his heart. Her big blue eyes were lethal weapons by themselves, coupled with a little tear in the corner of one, and her full lower lip pouting and trembling so much, it was more than he could stand and he'd barely managed to restrained himself from taking her into his arms and comforting her.

She thought he was bailing out on her to do his job for him, while she was in pain. He tried to reassure her wordlessly and squeezed her forearm which just earned him a puzzled look.

"Meet you back at the BOQ when you finish." he told her and stepped out of the car and towards the main building.

He watched as she pulled away and then quickly headed on-foot to the on-base PX.

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	29. Chapter 29

**WARNING: **THE REST OF THE FIC WILL BE JUST ONE **MAJOR FLUFF-FEAST!** Those of you who can't stand too fluffy and sappy fics, better stop reading.

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When Loren returned to the BOQ she first headed to Harm's room to touch base with him and to tell him what she'd found out.

She found a note taped to his door which read. "Meet you in your room."

'_In_ my room? How did he get inside? Do I really want to know?'

Shrugging she turned towards her own room only to find the door opened a crack and another note stuck to it. "Come in. Harm"

She frowned, something was definitely going on.

She slowly opened the door and peered in.

Nothing out of place.

And no sign of Harm.

Anywhere.

She took a step in, closed the door, locked it and removed her coat, cover and briefcase, hanging the first two on the coat tree by the door.

Something flashed in her peripheral vision and she walked to the living room table. "Go into the bathroom." it said.

By this time she was getting a little annoyed with his 'directions'.

'Who does he think he is to order me around like that!?' flashed through her mind, but instantly an annoying little voice, the one that was almost always right, answered. It was also that voice that assured her that this would turn out to be one of the best things in her life, in the end and to keep with it.

-He is your superior officer and giving you orders is his job.-

'Yeah, but not off-duty and not ordering me around like some small child.' she protested mentally.

-Give it a chance, I have a really good feeling about this.- that annoying little voice insisted.

She sighed and went into the bathroom.

She opened the door and froze in shock at the sight that greeted her.

The bath tub was filled with water, obviously hot, as the steam was still rising from it. The scent of eucalyptus filled her nostrils, obviously caused by the bubble bath that Harm had so thoughtfully poured into the water, so that the bubbles were now almost brimming over. 'How does he know that that's my favorite scent and that I love bubble bath?'

The tub itself was lined with lit candles, giving it a romantic glow.

It was a true paradise to a tired, hurting woman who just wanted to take a load off and relax.

Tears filled her eyes and her heart felt full to bursting with some strange new emotion.

She noticed another note on the counter. Beside it was a gold-foil-wrapped Mozart ball. "Enjoy your bath. I'll be back in an hour. H." This time a lone tear broke through and slid down her cheek. She sniffed and wiped it away impatiently.

It was just the hormones. No way could she be feeling for Har... the Commander what she was feeling and, especially not, just because he had showed her some kindness and consideration these past few days.

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	30. Chapter 30

THANKS TO: my most faithful readers/reviewers: Syrae, starryeyes10 and michelle UK! You gals are great!

The number of hits to this fic has drastically fallen for the last few chapters. What's up with that?

This story is drawing to a close, with this 3rd evening being the last.

Here's a longer chapter to motivate you lazy folks to read and review!!!!

Reading and not reviewing is like eating food someone had given you for free and not even THANKING them for the food!!!!

Why I want reviews is to get better. Tell me what you think was wrong in the chappy, point out the errors I made, suggestions are fully welcomed and appreciated, the thing that could've been better, what bothers you about what happened, what you liked,... NOT for praise or anything like that. I don't get better with praise only, though I'm human and definitely like to hear if you like what I write, so throw me a rope here and help me get better!

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Okay, a lot of kindness and consideration, more than anyone else ever did in her adult life and definitely much more than any man, even a man she was involved with, had ever shown her.

Especially during 'that time' of the month when she was the most uncomfortable in her own body and definitely emotional. Very emotional.

It was also the only time in the month when she couldn't keep up her Ice Queen mask and that was another reason why she usually secluded herself from others at the office during this time. So they wouldn't see her for who she was, a sensual, lonely, emotional woman who yearned to love and be loved; and think her weak.

And now with his tender care and concern Harm had managed to permanently tear down those walls where it concerned him, revealing the real woman underneath.

She'd had sex with men, but this was the most intimate she had ever been with one. Which was ironic for he had never even touched her sexually, nor meant to be arousing.

But now with her walls down, she wasn't sure how to rebuild them, nor if she should rebuild them at all.

She was even less sure she would be able to keep her hands off of him the next month when the hormones sky-rocketted again.

He was a gorgeous man, but what was even more attractive was the kind of person he was, what was on the inside, how caring, warm, loving and gentle he was and how he stood by her, caring for her and taking care of her.

And now he knew who she was for real, without that mask, what she wanted in her life, that she wanted more of his caring and taking care of her, he also obviously had some kind of feelings for _her_ and she knew she loved and was in love with him,...

She had no chance in hell of not reacting upon seeing his gentle, caring look when he'd see her wince in pain, by grabbing him by his lapels, throw him against the wall, any wall (though preferrably in a room so they wouldn't be arrested for public indecency), and seduce him. Or at least kiss him senseless.

Their location at that moment wouldn't be important to her.

God help her if they were sent out of town again in 28 days, because she wasn't sure she'd be able to find a reason for not taking this... this relationship one step further.

Suddenly a thought occured to her on how to avoid this event.

_---FLASH IN---_

_"Sir, I ask you to please not partner me with the CDR for this case." she would be begging the Admiral after having calculated on what time of the month her next case with Harm would be._

_Cheggwidden would be frowning at her severely. "Do you have anything against the CDR, LT?" he would growl warningly._

_She would not be able to lie. "No, sir, not at all. That's the problem. You see, _that_ time of the month for me starts on the day of our departure from here, my hormones will be all over the place, not to mention the fact that I love and am in love with him, but my body is also tuned on the CDR and I'll be like a bitch in heat around him. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depends on how you look at it, only him. And if you send me with him and I see him look at me just once, which will undoubtebly happen when we meet at the airport for the flight, I'll grab him, throw him down on the floor, or against the wall, strip both of us and ravage him right there and then. And do you know what the worst part of this all is, sir?" _

_By this time Cheggwidden would either have had a heart attack due to her confession or would be frozen in shock._

_"The worst part is that, not only would I not regret any of it, but I'm also in my prime child-bearing years and just last week my doctor has told me that my ovaries and my uterus, actually my entire reproductive system, are as healthy as a fish. So you see now, sir, why partnering the CDR and I for this case is not a good idea?"_

_Then she would sit there as pristine as a virgin and just as innocent, smiling up at him, while the Admiral would either burst a blood vessel in his brain or faint._

_---FLASH OUT---_

Loren cringed at this idea. Well, the date of her doctor's appointment would definitely be right, as would probably be the prognosis. She had always gotten the clean bill of health on the matter and took very good care of her body.

Another cause of concern for her was that she wasn't on any kind of birth control, what was even worse, she wouldn't want birth control if she were to take their relationship further if she were unable to control her hormones anymore and seduced him. She didn't know how to handle this knowledge about herself.

She also knew that if she were to give her heart away to him, she wouldn't be getting it back. And that terrified her.

Every single one of her previous relationships had failed because of that reason. She was scared of losing her heart to a man, which is why she had always subconsciously chosen men she knew she could never fall in love with and that lack of emotion in the relationship had ultimately ended it.

For, if she gave her heart away she knew she would lose her independence, because she then wouldn't be able to exist without him, and if he died she would die herself. If she would not end her life herself, then she would die of a broken heart. She had always been aware of her capacity to love, of how she'd bind herself to the man she would be fall in love with and had given her heart to, and to protect herself she'd banished her emotions and had locked them in a steel box, secured with the best possible locking and security system, because she'd always known that losing her soulmate would destroy her.

Literally.

During the times when she was brooding, or wallowing in self-pity, or just being honest with herself (during all of those times she was also as drunk as a skunk); she compared herself to wolves and swans who mate once and for life.

And she couldn't let that happen to her, because there was the chance that the man she'd given her heart to, would leave her and she knew that, not only would it break her heart permanently, but it would also kill her.

So, she guarded her heart almost obssessively, making sure no man could get anywhere near it.

It made for a safe existence, but it also made for a terribly lonely existence.

Because sex does not equate intimacy, especially not emotional intimacy. Because the empty sex she had occasionally had, had left her feeling just that, empty; which was why she had slowly, gradually, but surely, stopped having sex completely. For it had just pounded in the truth of how lonely she actually was and better to have no sex at all and be able to pretend everything was great, than to have sex and go around feeling a big hole in her heart. That decision to go celibate had been realized in life 8 years ago.

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And now these strong and high walls were being breached and her heart had already been filled with his image.

Not by a determined frontal assault, nor by a sneaky climbing over them, she could efficiently repulse the attacker; but by a completely unintentional wear-down of the material against which she had no defence.

She didn't know what to do.

It was inevitable and unavoidable, while being entirely unintentional.

And it scared her out of her mind.

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She shook off those thoughts and just concentrated on the feeling of happiness brought on by the fact that she meant so much to someone for them to go to all this trouble for her.

And the fact that that someone was Harm, someone she respected and secretly liked and loved, made her heart swell.

Prior to this case she had never considered Harm as a romantic-potential because of her fear of losing her heart, but now she had to wonder just what it would be like to be loved by him.

If he was that caring and thoughtful about a co-worker, who was practically a stranger to him because of how little they'd interacted before, how would he be to her if he loved her?

And for the first time in a long while she started to hope to be able to lose her heart to a man safely.

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Okay, this introspection chappy was needed so you know why Loren's so hesitant about relationship and why she's so scared to give her heart away. I like to think it's pretty much realistic and in-character for Loren we knew before TPTB in all their "wisdom" decided to completely assassinate the character by pairing her up with Lindsey and then even killing her in that gruesome, fully undeserved and humiliating way. IMHO, TPTB that treat their main characters that way don't deserve them nor the show.  



	31. Chapter 31

**AN:** thanks for the reviews! Some people may think that I write too little action and too much thought, but that's just how I write. I write what the muse narrates to me. I also firmly believe that introspection chaps (no matter how boring they might be) are needed so that readers understand why the character is behaving the way they are, what motivates them.

The last chappy, for example, was important so that you would all finally understand why Loren is so hesitant about relationships.

**Liesa (and everybody else): **Why I (and other authors - have talked to a few fellow writers and we agree on this topic and reasons) want reviews: not only do they let me know what you think of the fic and certain parts of it, and give constructive ideas, but you have to count in the fact that a writer has put a LOT of work into each fic.

A LOT of hours spent in front of the PC, constructing the plot and writing the characters, typing the whole thing up (which I hate the most), editing it, proof-reading it, polishing it until it meets the writer's requirements,... and so much more work. Especially with long fics.

There are a LOT of sacrifices, frustrations, writer's blocks, feelings, efforts, work and time invested in each fic and each chapter of it and thus every writer wants feedback. Besides, it's plain good manners to thank someone for doing something for you, especially if they did it voluntary.

I know I write unorthodox pairings and thus can't expect as much feedback as someone who writes Harm/Mac, but of the 200-300 people that read every part why do only 3 review regularly? I had 400 hits for Thor part 2 and not one review, until Delliham...

Further more, even the process of just posting a fic takes a lot more time than it takes to post a short review.

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I hope that explained it all and you'll all enjoy this new part!

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Loren shook her head at the thoughts running around in her head and quickly stripped off her clothes.

She first did a preventive breast exam, checking for any inconsistencies and lumps, conscious of the danger of a breast cancer and how important it is to conduct these exams in order to discover a growth in it's starting stages, when it's the most easily treatable with the current dark-ages methods. She didn't want to lose one or both of her breasts just because she was not taking care of her body and maintaining it properly.

Satisfied and relieved to find nothing, she took the time to check out her figure.

When having a period she always felt unattractive and bloated, not even letting a man she was involved with to see her naked, but over the years she had discovered a way of battling these feelings.

She had always eaten healthy and, due to being in the military, she had to keep up a regular physical fitness and keep her weight under a pre-ordained limit.

Running in the morning and regular visits to the gym kept her in top shape and she knew she had a great figure.

Long legs with the just-right muscle tone, flat belly with a slight curve that she couldn't get rid of no matter how many crunches she did, narrow waist; round and tight muscular derriere, full, heavy breasts, thin, fat-free and femininely-muscled arms, a graceful neck and a face that men found very attractive. At least that's what they told her.

She knew she looked good and she used this to combat those feelings of unattractiveness she always got once every month.

So, she took the time and checked her body out from all possible angles, trying to look at herself from a man's eyes. She always received enough appreciative looks to know they liked the way she looked.

Satisfied with herself upon discovering she still had IT and after having found nothing that hadn't been there for the last few decades, and determined to lose from her hips ASAP the chocolate Harm had bought her yesteday, she got into the tub.

Loren groaned with pleasure as the hot water soothed her tired and hurting body, especially her abdominal muscles.

Then she unwrapped the Mozart ball and again groaned in pleasure, leaning back in the tub, letting herself relax and just enjoy the soothing hot water and the rich chocolate.

She might've dozed for a while, because it seemed as if in no time all, she could hear the sound of a key in the lock.

Harm had arrived!

Excited she pulled the plug to drain the cold water and got out of the tub, drying herself off before wrapping a towel around herself and heading into the bedroom.

Rooting through her suitcase she was exasperated at her choice of clothes. But she had to concede that she definitely didn't plan on something like this happening when she was packing her suitcase. Except for her pyjamas, sweats and a few T-shirts, most of them were pieces of her spare uniform. And she wasn't willing to put on her uniform so soon again after taking it off and having relaxed so much.

She put on the best pair of sweat pants she could find and a T-shirt that complimented her curves, while not blatantly showing them off. The sweats were not baggy, but still not tight, making them perfect for being comfortable in them and them looking good. The T-shirt showed no cleavage at all, but it was like a second skin on her. None of her clothes were tight enough to put pressure on her sensitive abdomen.

She took a second to compose herself and stepped into the living room.

Had anyone been there with them, they would've found it quite funny how both had frozen at the sight that greeted them.

Loren stared with wide eyes at the arrangement on the table.

A candle, a bouquet of wild flowers (what she didn't know was that Harm had managed to persuade a wife of one of the officers to let him buy the flowers she grew in her little garden in front of her house) and a plate with a knife and a fork. An idle thought crossed her mind 'Only one plate?'

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**AN:** btw., the bathroom has to exits: one to bedrom, the other to the living room.

Review!


	32. Chapter 32

**AN:** sorry, guys, for not updating yesterday as I intended to. But I had a sudden crash of my internet security system and nothing I did, no matter how many times I tried to reinstall it, could fix it. Upon every reinstall a new problem would come up and the software wouldn't work. Then I had to get a few others and today during a scan I found spyware on my drive. Removed it, formatted the whole damn drive, so it's completely, squeaky clean now and am still in the process of setting the whole operating system back up. I don't even have drivers to my graphics card installed...

So, sorry for this being a short part, but I have to finish setting everything back up again and next one will be much longer.

Well, there was one good thing about today, though. I FINALLY received one of the parts needed for my bike, a Clutch Rope (?). I've been waiting for it for over a month and it only arrived yesterday from Japan. Had I gone to Japan myself I would've had it sooner (but not cheaper).

Enjoy!

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They stood there staring at each other for a minute or two, until Loren noticed that Harm's gaze had changed direction and followed his eyes.

In her haste to get dressed she'd completely forgot to put on a bra and never noticed the effect the cold water in the tub, and later the cool air of the apartment, had on her body and was suddenly uncomfortably aware of the effect being plainly visible through her thin, white T-shirt.

'Shit! I forgot to put on the bra! Oh, well, it's too late now. I just have to act as if nothing's wrong. But he sure does like the view.' she mused with smug feminine satisfaction.

With everything that had happened over the last few days, Loren's attitude and way of thinking have changed and was now proud of the effect the sight of her body had on Harm, glad that he so obviously approved of how she looked.

She looked at him and let her gaze drift lower. 'Oh, yeah, he definitely approves.'

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When Harm first caught sight of Loren, as she entered the room, he was transfixed.

He could barely recognize the celestial being that stood before him.

She was a vision.

Slightly damp, dark-blonde hair shone in the light; overshadowed by the light of happiness and contentment that shone from her baby blues and the rosy hue in her cheeks from the water.

Her clothes revealed the figure dreams are made of, which had been hidden by her sweatsuit during the previous two evenings, but now was hinted at with her new choice of attire.

Harm followed her long legs to her slim waist, from her chest to her... His eyes stopped at her chest, noticing that she wore no bra and her nipples and areolas were plainly visible, pushing against the thin fabric.

He was aware of the fact that he was staring, quite rudely so, he was also aware of what the sight of that gorgeous body was doing to his own; but he was paralyzed. He tried to, but some higher force held his eyes glued to her chest. Her very erect, hard and tight nipples and dark areolas were clearly visible through the damp, clingy, worn fabric and he wouldn't have been able to tear his eyes away from them even had his life depended on it.

'She hasn't slapped me yet. Why hasn't she slapped me yet? Does she intend to put me up on charges instead? Please, don't, I'm not doing it intentionally!'

When he had finally managed to tear his eyes away from her breasts, his eyes found hers alight with amusement and with a self-satisfied, triumphant smirk on her face.

He then realized that not only had she not slapped him or called him names, but neither had she covered herself from his eyes or ran screaming into her bedroom.

'What does it mean?'

Suddenly she was moving towards him. That smug smirk left her face, leaving only a determined expression behind.

When she got near him he closed his eyes, readying himself to get slapped.

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	33. Chapter 33

**an:** damn snow, hoped we wouldn't be getting it, but it started falling today.

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But nothing ontoward happened.

Instead he suddenly felt two feminine arms snake around his neck and a gentle kiss being pressed on his cheek.

Astonished, his eyes shot open to see her face just inches from his own, her arms still around his neck.

"Thank you, Harm." she whispered "For everything you've done for me these past few days. For everything you've ever done for me. For being the only one at work to even give me a chance or to speak to me. Thank you for standing by my side, for being there for me, for providing comfort and support, for being so sweet and gentle and caring these past few days, completely unselfishly. You don't know what it means to me and words will never be able to express how greateful I am. But, thank you."

Harm had a lump the size of Canada in his throat from hearing her heartfelt words of gratitude.

"There's nothing to thank me for, Loren, I just couldn't standy by and let you suffer." they slowly let go of each other and Loren stepped back, giving him a challenging look.

"Would you have done the same for LTJG Sims?"

Well, she had a point there. Harm shifted uncomfortably, having a feeling where this was going. "Er, no."

A tiny grin tugged at Loren's lips. "Would you have done it for Ensign Michaels?"

"Er.. no."

"Petty Officer Peters?"

A resigned "No." coupled with slumped shoulders, knowing he'd been beat. His head dropped down in resignation.

But she just had to continue to make her point. "LT Richards? Sea(wo)man Roxton?" At the puzzled tilt of his head she explained "Former Seaman Marguerite Krux, now Marguerite Roxton."

When he shook his head in answer she continued. "Marine Captain Carter? Petty Officer Tiner?"

Harm had automatically replied "No." to every example, when it occured to him just whom she mentioned.

His head whipped up and he frowned at her. "Tiner?" He shuddered at that idea.

She gave him a triumphant grin. "Gotcha!"

Harm had to grin himself "Why, you little,... I'll get you for that one..."

"Promises, promises,..." she interrupted him, rolling her eyes playfully. "What about LtCol Mackenzie?"

Nobody could claim that the woman wasn't observant. With them for such a short time and she'd already discovered the tension between Harm and Mac. She deserved a completely honest answer. "If she would've allowed it."

Real concern was in her eyes. "You think she would've?"

Harm shrugged. "I don't know. A year ago I would've said 'yes' without thinking about it. But our friendship's been strained since I changed my designator and I honestly don't believe I would even have offered now. I don't know if I would've felt comfortable enough to do it. And ever since she took Brumby's ring we've been farther away than you and I ever were. Mac and I aren't close enough for me to do something like that, not anymore."

"But we are?" was her pointed question.

She definitely had the flare to pin him to the spot and watch him squirm like a bug. "Yes, it obviously IS a proven fact we do. I don't know how, I don't know why, but we do. Even you knew it before."

Loren knew full well what he was talking about.

From day one he'd been the only one of her co-workers that she felt somewhat comfortable being around of and was not as defensive and as prickly as a cactus with him as she was with the others. Which was one of the reasons why she hadn't called the MPs and brought charges against him when he'd first offered her to help relieve her pain. One of the other reasons was the fact that she knew he'd never hurt her.

She nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, we do. I don't know why, but I do know you're the only one I've felt comfortable with in a while. Somehow you got in under my radar and now there's no getting you out." she admitted ruefully.

Harm trailed a finger gently over her cheek, causing her to flutter her eyes closed at the sensation and heart rate to pick up. "I won't ever hurt you, Loren, I promise."

The vulnerable gaze in her eyes, when she opened them again, caused his heart to squeeze painfully in his chest. Someone, more than one, must've hurt her badly to make her that cautious. "How can I believe that? How can I trust you not to hurt me?"

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	34. Chapter 34

I expect a lot of reviews for giving you such a long and great chapter!

Don't disappoint me.

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How had they gone from checking each other out to talking about having a relationship together?

Was it just two love-starved, lonely people finding comfort in each other or was it more?

Did the fact that since their meeting they've been so comfortable around each other mean anything?

Or was it just a physical attraction between two attractive people and nothing more?

Harm didn't know, but he hoped there was something more.

Relationships based solely on physical attraction have gotten old for him a long time ago, he now wanted the whole damn cliche, but the last chance he thought he'd had for a more meaningful relationship was screwed up by as much as him as by Mac on that ferry. Well, what Mac did after that was just one big, stupid catastrophe for which only she was to blame. They'd both failed on the ferry, each in their own way, but both equally responsible for it and now she was with another man, wearing his ring, because she made a few more mistakes. He'd had to give up the dream of a daughter with the olive skin and brown eyes of her mother that he'd held in his heart for so long.

Harm had wanted a family of his own for quite some time now, wanted to come home to a warm, inviting home instead to a cold, empty apartment.

He wanted to have a wife, someone who would say with pride in her voice, when referring to him: "He is mine.", make him feel like he is worth something, that he is invaluable to someone, he wanted someone who would love him despite and because of all his flaws and strengths, to care for him if he got ill, someone he would take care of if she got ill, to go through all the good and the bad times life together offers, side by side, each being a rock and center to the other.

He wanted children with that woman, to feel them move inside their mother, a little girl who would look like her mother, a son that would look like him, little people that he could say with pride "I helped create them.", children that would have him wake up at 2 am for feedings and diaper change, kids whom he would read bedtime stories to, that he would take to school for their first day and comfort his wife and let her comfort him as they watched their babies take the next big step in their lives, he wanted kids that would point their fingers at him and tell everyone with pride in their voice "That's my Daddy.".

Women aren't the only ones that want family, men want that too. He'd wanted that for years now and with every year that'd passed he lost some hope of ever having that.

It hurt him to see happy couples with their little babies whenever he went somewhere, his heart ached for the love a family offers and his arms felt empty without his family in them.

He was quickly becoming aware of his own mortality and the emptiness of his life without anyone to share it with, someone who he could call with confidence his soul mate.

If he would have that with someone at one point from now on, it wouldn't be with Mac as she was with another man.

He had to move on, for his own sanity and for a chance for happiness of his own.

Perhaps there were little blue-eyed, blonde babies, who looked like their mother, in his future?

He wasn't sure, but he definitely wanted to find out.

He wanted to find whether this intriguing, complicated woman was his true soul mate, he WANTED her to be his soul mate, for he knew he would never forgive himself if he ever hurt her.

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It was taking everything Harm had in him not to take her into his arms, but he had to tell her something first.

But he needed a physical contact with her, so he took her hands in his and waited until she made eye contact again.

Harm sighed and started honestly. "I can't promise that I'll never do or say something that would hurt you, but I CAN promise that I will never do it intentionally. I can also promise that I will never betray you. I know you have no reason to trust me or believe me in this, but if you give me the chance, I want to prove to you that I'm a one-woman man, always have been. Another thing I can promise you is that I will give my everything to make sure that a relationship between us, if you decide to give it a chance, works."

She gazed into his eyes for a long time, searching for the truth of his words there, looking for the assurance that she wouldn't be making the worst mistake of her life.

Finally she nodded "Okay."

But when he wanted to take her into his arms she stopped him. "But know this, Harm. My heart is precious, because if I give it to you I'll never get it back, and if you bruise it or break it, I will kill you, for real. If not that, I'll definitely make your life a living hell."

Harm nodded "I swear, I'll take good care of your heart."

Satisfied she nodded "Good, just so we're clear on that."

Only then did she let him take her into his arms.

He could feel her twitch occasionally from the cramps and he let one of his hands drift lower, to gently rub her lower back.

She sighed contently and rested her head on his chest.

They held each other for a long time, until Harm finally drew back. When she looked at him questioningly he looked sheepish. "I completely forgot about the food. It must be pretty cold by now."

Loren raised her eyebrow "What was it anyway?"

"Vegetarian lasagna."

"Good thing it wasn't a carnivore's lasagna. I'm a vegetarian."

Now it was him that raised an eyebrow. "Really? So am I."

A small smile flirted with her lips. "Well, what do you know. Well, let's try it anyway. A cold lasagna is better than a reheated one."

He escorted her to the table and pulled out a chair for her. When she was seated he served the lasagna.

She didn't pick up the utensils, but just looked at him, frowning.

"What?" he querried self-consciously.

"Get a plate of your own and sit your ass in that seat. I'm not eating alone." she ordered him playfully. Quietly she muttered to herself. "Ever again for the rest of my life."

He glanced at her, unsure if he'd heard her correctly. Seeing she didn't let anything on he went back to serving himself with the cold lasagna.

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	35. Chapter 35

**AN:** Sorry for the late update, guys, but I've been working on another fic and I've spent the whole Saturday hunting down parts for my bike.

Thanks for all the great reviews, they really make my day.

Enjoy and review.

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They ate in a companiable silence until Loren broke it. "When we get back we'll have to talk to the Admiral. Get it cleared with him so he can make arrangements not to assign us the same cases anymore. Otherwise we can get in trouble."

Harm put down his fork and wiped his mouth with a napkin.

"I know. We'll do it first thing in the morning when we return. Until then we can't do anything that would make us guilty of fraternization, not even kiss on the lips. I don't want to lie to him if he asks us if we did anything. The kiss on my cheek was innocent, heck, my former partner kissed me that way right in front of Cheggwidden and he didn't say anything. As for what we did these last 2 days... I was helping out a fellow officer who was in pain, providing her with medical care. It was the same as if you've had a broken leg or had been shot. You were in a physical pain and I provided pain relief, nothing sexual, completely clinical. We didn't do anything that could even be considered as sexual contact. We should also wait until we've talked to him before deciding on how to proceed."

"Yeah, I would like to look him in the eyes if I have to assure him we haven't done anything. Yet. I want to proceed with the relationship we are going to have, once to talk to him, very slowly to make sure we don't fail."

"I agree. Failure is not an option."

There was silence for a while until Loren broke it by giggling. Harm looked at her in wonder, he'd never heard her giggle before. It was a beautiful sound and he wanted to hear it more. "What?"

She giggled again "Nothing. I just imagined the faces of our dear colleagues when we tell them the news. We'll definitely gonna be the most unexpected couple they know."

Harm suddenly had a mental image of their faces and burst out laughing. "Yeah, you're right. It's gonna be funny."

She giggled while nodding "Yeah. I can imagine that they'll just be waiting for someone to yell 'April's fools' or say that they're on a candid camera."

She turned to him. "Harm, do you think we could somehow smuggle in a camera and plant it somewhere so we could have it on video?"

Harm thought about it for a while. "It would be great, but I don't think we can. A camera would've been obvious and there are many classified files stored in the building. It probably would've been confiscated and returned when we go home. Perhaps I could ask Webb for a tiny one, the agency has a lot of that sort of equipment and with terrific video and sound, besides, he owes me so much he won't be able to repay in 40 years."

"Good. If that fails, we can always bribe the security to give us the surveillance video."

Harm grinned. "I really like the way your mind works, Loren."

Loren grinned back. "Good. Because we'll have to be devious in order to pull it off."

They grinned at each other at the thought of capturing the expressions of shock of their co-workers on video and preserving them for eternity.

"Okay." Said Harm once they were serious again. "You get your cute, little butt in that room and I'll be back soon."

She raised an elegant, blond eyebrow at him, glaring playfully. "Cute, little butt?"

Harm raised an opposing eyebrow "Would you rather I say 'big, fat butt'?"

She pretended to think about it seriously for a minute, but then shook her head. "No, thanks. I'd rather stick with the old version. So, you can say 'cute, little butt' all you can as long as you say it to me and no-one else."

The other eyebrow joined it's companion as Harm looked at her amused. "Possessive, aren't we?"

Determination flashed through her eyes as she stated. "Damn right I am and you'd better get used to it. You are mine now and I am never letting you go, so you should use that little black book of yours to notify everyone in it that you are taken for good and that they should leave you in peace, before burning that book. But I've got the feeling that you've never had such a book. So get ready to spend the rest of your life in bliss. Cause I am going to treat you better than any woman has ever treated you."

"That right?" he asked with a grin.

She nodded determinedly. "That right. You should know that it's not a one way street. You are mine and I am yours. I am not one of those jealous types that think their partner belongs to them, but that they can do anything they want. We belong to each other, which means I belong to you also, not just you to me. But I know you would never cheat on me, you're not that kind of man."

He nodded. "I'm glad you know that I would never do that to you. I am and always was a one-woman man and that will never change. As for what you've said earlier... it's completely fine with me, we belong to each other now. Now I really have to go."

She looked at him confused. "Where are you going?"

"I have a date with a cook.." he waited until she wanted to say something "... and a kettle of hot water for a certain hot water bottle. I'll be back soon."

She glared at him for teasing her and watched as he opened the door.

He stopped in the doorway and glanced back at her. "And Loren?"

When she raised her eyebrow he continued mischeviously. "You were right, the only little black book that I have is used to calculate the fuel consumption and the expenses of my plane. I don't have, nor did I ever have a list of the likes you talked about, nor do I ever intend to have. So, don't worry about that and finally get that cute, little butt of yours into the bedroom while I go out to do manly things."

She grinned and he smiled, closing the door behind himself.

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	36. Chapter 36

While Harm was out, getting everything together, Loren was waiting for him in the bedroom, on her bed.

She knew she was getting ahead and letting her imagination getting the better of her, but from all the things they'd said to each other in the past few days, and especially this last evening, it was clear to her that this was where they would go.

"LT Loren Singer-Rabb" she whispered to herself, trying the name out. 'Quite a mouthful. Too much of a mouthful, actually.'

"Loren Singer-Rabb."

"Loren Rabb." the name rolled off her tongue like a fine wine and she savoured it as much.

"Mrs. Harmon Rabb Jr." 'Not bad...'

"Mrs. Loren Rabb." 'Not bad at all.'

"LT Loren Rabb." 'That's better.'

She got a pen and a sheet of paper and started practicing signing her name that way.

"Admiral of the Navy Loren Rabb." she finally said, savouring the sound and giggled at the thought. 'Why not go all out when fantasizing?'

"Aren't you jumping ahead?" said a voice from the doorway, making her jump for real.

When she'd managed to calm down her racing heart, she ventured.

"I don't think so. After everything we've just said to each other, I'd say that this is the direction in which we both want to go. As for the Admiral part, well, a girl can have her dreams."

"That she can." said Harm and sat down on the bed next to her.

He motioned for her to lay back and when she did, he tenderly put the hot-watter-bottle, wrapped up in a towel, or her belly, already soothing her pain.

"As for the Admiral part, I believe you have it in you to get that far. If you won't be bored out of your mind by the red tape and politicians."

She gazed into his eyes, hers shining with a suspicious sheen, both of their hands on the bottle. "Thank you for believing in me. It's the first time anyone ever did."

Harm let his fingers intertwine with hers and gently cupped her cheek with the other hand. "You're a great lawyer and officer, Loren. You have an amazing potential in you, you just have to nurture and develop it." He let go of her cheek and put his hand back on the towel.

She looked down at their joined hands, visibly pondering something. He didn't press her, knowing she would share it when ready.

Finally she looked up at him. "You know, this method of yours really works. Would you be willing to repeat it again next month?" A flirtatious smile appeared.

Harm matched her smile with his own. "Well, it's a hard, dirty work, requires great dedication, but someone's got to do it." he drawled self-sacrificingly, earning himself a mock-insulted glare, but then he got serious "I'll be glad to." Her thankful smile was his reward.

Silence reigned for a few minutes until Harm's voice broke it.

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	37. Chapter 37

**michelle UK:** when I wrote it I intended it for Loren to fantasize and be ecstatic about their upcoming love, marriage and family more than about everything else.

The sucessful career would just be an icing on the cake. An icing that would make the experience sweeter, but an unimportant icing in the big picture. She would still be happy and love her life and family even without the high rank. Loren is at the point in her life where she wants love, marriage and children, with Harm, more than she wants her career. Everybody, except for a small percentage of people like Mac, comes at a point in life where they would put family and love before their career. Also, the fantasy was about being an Admiral, not just the JAG. Are there even any female Admirals currently serving in the US Navy?

**Jeff:** good to have you back with us. I hope you're feeling better, being sick is definitely something we all can live without.

**Jeff, sohard2c:** the part is coming, just a few more before it.

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"You know I like this."

When she glared at him he hurried to explain. "Not the 'you in pain' part, but just how comfortable we are with each other. We are just 'being', you know what I mean? Doing nothing, just being with each other, in each other's company and not feeling awkward. I would never believed it possible just a week ago."

"Yeah, I know." rejoined Loren. "You know why it's like that?"

"Why?"

"Because we are so alike. We have many things in common. The Navy, eating habits, style of music-I saw the CDs you have in your car when you picked me up, we are both career-minded,... While opposites may attract, it is similarities that are the ones that make a relationship work. Because after the initial infatuation of a new relationship with someone different from oneself is over, then the differences just start to annoy and distance the partners and ultimately cause the end. It's the couples who have a lot, if not all, of things in common that have the biggest chance of making it work for a lifetime. Why do you think there are so many divorces in this country, besides people jumping into marriage too quickly?"

Harm looked at her with respect in his eyes. She'd certainly been surprising him a lot lately.

He had a strong suspicion that she would continue to surprise him for a long time to come and he didn't mind the prospect one bit.

Cause he was sure that they'd all be good surprises.

He pointed a finger at her and said teasingly. "You know, you're pretty smart. You should be a lawyer."

In a completely out-of-character move for her, she stuck her tongue out at him, rendering him speachless and then giggled at the way his mouth gaped open.

A slow grin spread across his lips then.

He moved his hands towards her warningly, wiggling with his fingers and a happy grin on his face. He was enjoying this playful mood very much. "You know you'll pay for that, right?"

She stood her ground, glaring at him aloofly. "And how, pray tell, do you intend to make me pay?"

Harm moved his hands closer. "I'll tickle you until you apologize."

She continued to stare him down, but he could see a gleam of good humor shining in her eyes.

She was enjoying this just as much as he was.

His fingers had finally made contact with her sides and he tickled her, prompting a jump and a squeak from her.

He stopped immediately and his eyebrows rose in surprise at her intense reaction, while Loren's face blushed crimson. Inside she was cursing the curse of being a blonde with fair skin, which made it very obvious whenever she was blushing.

She hid her face in her hands, hoping for a hole to appear and swallow her whole, her humiliation complete.

"What was that?" in his voice she could hear a chuckle threatening to explode and had the overwhelming urge to thump him on the head for it.

She refused to answer, however.

He accused her with an astonished air. "You're ticklish! And quite so, in fact. Hehe, good to know. Wonder what it's worth it to you that your secret doesn't come out..."

She removed her hands from her face to glare at him defiantly. "You wouldn't dare!"

A smirk settled on his face. "Wouldn't I?"

Loren quickly ran through her options.

Then she smiled seductively at him and lightly ran a nail down one of his forearms, scratching at the inner side, making him shiver from both the sensation and the promise these two gestures contained. "You wouldn't do that to little old me, would you?"

He snorted. "Little old me? Where did you get that from?"

She shrugged innocently. "Oh, here and there..."

He laughed then. "Wouldn't 'here and there' mean one of those trashy novels that have a bodice-ripping motive on the cover? The one that you've no doubt brought along on this case? Or perhaps Gone with the wind?"

The sudden widening of her eyes and a renewed blush confirmed his suspicions. He had to admit that the blush did indeed become her very much. He loved to make it happen.

"Uh..." she stammered.

Harm laughed and, to her utmost relief, moved on.

"So..." he stretched his fingers, making them pop. "You ready for one of the world-famous Rabb massages, honey?"

She scowled at him over the name, but then shrugged.

They've been already talking of marriage, though admittedly in the completely abstract and vague sense, so why couldn't he call her 'honey'? The prospect of a massage also felt very tempting and she subtly shivered at the thought of his hands on her, doing amazing things. Another subtle shiver was evoked from the image of what else his hands could do to her body to give her pleasure...

She then demanded with a grin that belied her sharp tone. "Get to it, buster, or you'll be sleeping on the couch."

Harm smirked. "We're not married yet, Loren."

Loren smiled softly. "'Yet'. I like that."

Harm smiled back. "Yeah, me too."

She reached up to tenderly stroke his cheek. "Because it means we will be."

Harm nodded, looking deep into her eyes. "Yes, we will." He caressed her own cheek, then motioned for her to turn on her side.

She did, making sure that the hot water bottle was still pressed to her belly, easing her pain and prepared for bliss.

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	38. Chapter 38

**AN:** Thanks for all the great reviews, guys! I love them, please keep it up.

Now for some hot Harm TLC.

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Harm lay down on the bed, stretching behind her and started massaging her aching lower back muscles.

His skilled fingers drew moans of pleasure from Loren, moans that made his own body react to them. React inappropriately due to her temporary painful condition and the fact that they'd decided to wait for a while before making their relationship also a physical one, not just emotional, mental and spiritual.

He worked metodically and dilligently, seeking out and dissolving every knot in her back, causing her to relax even further.

Finally he was all done, no more knots left.

Then, in a very bold move, he shifted his fingers onto her temple and began massaging there.

His touch was soothing and arousing Loren at the same time and, had he not layed behind her, he would've surely noticed the diamond-hard points of her nipples pressing against the shirt, making the darker areolas visible through the cotton, accentuating the fullness of her generous breasts.

Yet, he could not see this, but he sure felt what Loren's sounds of pleasure and ecstasy and her slight shifting against him were doing to him.

He was surprised she hadn't discovered it herself already.

He himself was fully enjoying the feel of holding a warm, sensual and very interested woman in his arms, more importantly: holding Loren in his arms, bringing her not only release from the pain, but also pleasure. He swore to himself right there and then that this would become their monthly ritual, for the rest of their lives.

Unknown to him, Loren was barely managing to restrain herself from turning around and ravishing him.

That second way of combating the pain that he'd mentioned, was quickly becoming very, very tempting, even to the point that she was slowly forgetting all about the regs and about her intentions to wait until they'd cleared it with Cheggwidden and were ready as a couple for taking it to the next level.

Funny, it'd been just two days since this had started and already she couldn't imagine her life without him and this in it anymore. Two days and it felt like two lifetimes, two very nice lifetimes.

With tender, sure fingers Harm kneaded her scalp, being careful to hit every pressure point, holding her against his chest, feeling her warm against him, feeling her move and never wanting it to stop.

As Loren lay back against him he was very surprised to discover that she was actually purring!

Eventually she scooted forward a little and turned on her back, breaking away from his hands.

Her head then turned towards him and her eyes opened. The heavy-lidded look and eyes of smoky, stormy blue made his breath catch.

He had never seen anything as alluring as this woman. Even without makeup, with her hair mussed, wearing sweat pants and a T-shirt, with an ugly-orange hot water bottle craddled to her belly, signifying the time of the month during which she found herself the most unattractive and bloated, he still found her the sexiest and most erotic thing to have ever walked on this or any other planet.

Harm was sure he had never seen anyone that could compare to her and it was that second that he'd realized he had fallen in love with her.

When she spoke he was broken out of his trance by her husky voice, which sent shivers down his spine.

"And perhaps one day we'll try out that third way of handling the pain you've mentioned." she said throatily as she turned on her side again and snuggled her back into his chest. His arms slipped around her instinctively and he intertwined his fingers with hers where they rested on the bottle.

Harm stared at the back of her head, puzzled as to what she meant by that. Then suddenly his eyes widened in shock and a slow, goofy grin spread across his face.

"Yes, ma'am." he muttered and drew her closer into him, enjoying the feel of her in his arms.

Their bodies fit together like a glove and a hand and he rested his chin on her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo, body lotion, wash gel and a special, distinct and alluring scent that he knew was just Loren.

He squeezed her hands gently, receiving an anwering squeeze from her fingers.

Soon after she was asleep and he stayed until the water had cooled off and he removed the bottle.

That done, he took her into his arms again and spread his hands over her belly, keeping it warm. Then he started gently massaging her firm stomach muscles, his actions replacing the heat of the hot water, but just as effective.

Loren started moving around in her sleep, small moaning sounds issuing from her throat, rubbing her derriere against his lap. Harm allowed himself only a brief, innocent kiss at the nape of her neck and then made sure to ease up on the massage, to stop it being arousing for both of them. They would have time for that later and for the rest of their lives.

He left after just washing her sleep for an hour, hopefully for the last time.

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	39. Chapter 39

**AN:** guys, I have a few great fics to recommend for you to read.

If you watch STARGATE and like Cam, check out darkmoonvampire's "Guardian angel". She's doing an amazing job with a topic and pairing that I would never expect to like, much less like so much. An amazing fic, but sadly no-one except me bothers to review to let her know that we like it and want her to write more. It's a Cam/FemOther and an amazing piece of writing.

Another Cam/Vala fic (after Jack/Sam my fav Stargate pairing) is Toomi's "Where's home", a Farscape-Stargate crossover, and Poohbear-29's "We come in peace", which is a Cam/Vala hurt/comfort fic.

If you like the show THE LOST WORLD, check out Mathilde Egyed's "The game called: Careful what you wish." It's a Marguerite/Roxton and MaleOther/FemOther fic.

These are all great fics and great writers, who are bravely daring into a completely new territory and/or are first-time writers (from first-hand experience on both counts at once I can testify how terrifying that is), but sadly don't get much encouragment from their readers. So, if you like these characters and/or want to give a chance to the pairings, please check the fics out and leave a review to the writers so they'll know people read their fics and that they want more.

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Well, now that the promotions are over, let's get to the part you've all have been waiting for!!!

I hope this part won't disappoint. Read and review with suggestions on how I can make this part better.

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3 days later Harm and Loren had wrapped up the case, deciding to recommend charges being brought up against 3 of the squad members, and returned to DC that same day.

The look on Cheggwidden's face, when they'd told him of their intentions, had been priceless.

In fact, Harm had wondered if the older man had stopped breathing from shock, he just stared at them, with eyes comically wide and mouth gaping open, saying nothing.

It took all of Harm and Loren's self-control not to burst out laughing.

"You... You... You want to what!?" the Admiral was aware that he was babbling, but was unable to stop himself. He also had to wince at the high squeak his voice had turned into at the end of the question. He narrowed his eyes at the two love-birds in front of him, absolutely sure that they were laughing at him on the inside.

"We want to date, sir." repeated Harm patiently, ignoring his CO's reaction with years of practice. Most people had that reaction to his plans, but in the end his plans always worked marvelously, so it didn't matter what their first reactions were.

"I thought you said that, but didn't believe my ears." mumbled Cheggwidden. Confused he stared at the door, half expecting a camera team to troop in with a fat, bearded guy in front, who was screaming to smile and that he was on Candid camera.

A weird coughing was heard from the couple before him. Something that had sounded like a snort turned into a cough. He glared at them.

"You're not just saying this to see me freak out, are you? Or to see if my heart can take it... May I remind you, CDR, that even though we both know you have the best chances of everyone in this office to become the next JAG, with you right after him, LT, that you both are VERY light on the rank, too light to become the next JAG immediately by getting rid of me this way."

Harm and Loren looked horrified at his suggestion, noted Cheggwidden with satisfaction and with, he was forced to admit to himself, relief.

"NO!" "That's definitely not our intention, sir!" came the two voices at once.

"We mean it. We're here to inform you that we have feelings for each other and would like to date, but because of our involvement we can no longer work as partners." Harm explained.

"We also want to assure you that you won't have to send a chaperone to the break room with us, sir, and that we won't let our personal relationship affect the unit cohesion, good order and discipline of this office." added Loren, unknowingly echoing Cheggwidden's own warning to Bud and Harriet from all those years ago.

"Glad to hear that LT." Cheggwidden said dryly.

He eyed them measuringly. "You have feelings for each other..." he prodded. "When did this happen?"

At their puzzled looks he explained. "The last I know was that you couldn't stand each other and now you have romantic feelings. When did this change?"

Harm and Loren glanced at each other and Loren blushed, while Harm's ears reddened. "We, ah, as it is commonly necessary when two people are partnered for the first time, we've spent the whole time together, to get to know each other, trying to click as partners, spend time together and work on the case. During these continued... exposures... to each other's presence we discovered some truths about ourselves and each other. Truths that we both have tried to deny these past few months, but now had to face and deal with them. They refused to be left ignored and not acted upon. We did not have any other choice but to do something about our feelings, they've become too strong and too overwhelming to continue ignoring."

Loren looked infinitely grateful that not one word was said that would explain just HOW they'd spent their time together. Harm's answer could've been taken in several ways, depending on how the listener wanted to hear it. Nothing he said was a lie, it was just not completely specified.

Cheggwidden looked from one to the other in a thoughtful silence and then glanced down.

Harm and Loren were surprised, and horrified due to their present location, to discover that they were holding hands and quickly let go.

Their reaching out and grabbing onto the other's hand had been a completely subconscious decision, they'd never thought about doing it, much less decided to do it, so they could not even remember when it had happened.

This alone was the greatest beacon of their newfound closeness and feelings, greater than anything else, that they'd unconsciously and subconsciously reached out to each other to draw and give comfort from a simple touch, somehow knowing that the other would be there to give and take as well. Their bond was deeper and stronger than they had imagined before and this realization shocked them to the core.

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	40. Chapter 40

**AN:** don't you just love it when RL throws a wrench in your plans?

Anyway, here's the next chappy.

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Unknown to them, this automatic and completely unconscious reaction was the one that decided it for the Admiral.

There was silence for a minute until he sighed. "Okay, you have my permission. Proceed at your discretion."

They stood to leave when he added flippantly, already submerged in the paperwork. "Just invite me to the wedding."

Loren turned to him with a grin and replied. "We will, sir."

Cheggwidden's head snapped up, eyes wide. "What!?"

They couldn't stop corresponding snickers to get out, but managed to cover them up.

Cheggwidden's face was again the picture of baffled shock, but then he recovered and his eyes narrowed. "You serious?"

Harm sighed, they obviously wouldn't be leaving that soon.

"Yes, sir, we have already discussed the matter and have decided that this is the direction we both want our relationship to go..."

"...however we will take it slowly, to make sure we don't make any mistakes and that we get it right." completed Loren Harm's sentence.

"We have already roughly decided on who to invite and where it would take place..." continued Harm.

"...but it won't be for a few months, yet. Sir." finished Loren. "But it will be before our first child is born."

Cheggwidden's stare alternated from one to the other, finally shaking his head in complete bafflement at Loren's final remark. 'They have already planned out to have kids! Together. After getting married. Perhaps they're really trying to get rid of me with these constant shocks and surprises.'

Again, he had to take time to recover his composure. He had to make an appointment with his doctor. This meeting had to have left some lasting effects on his heart. "Okay, glad to hear that this is something so serious for you two. Anyway, dismissed!"

"Aye, sir." Harm and Loren stood to attention and moved to leave the office.

"And, Commander!" Cheggwidden yelled after Harm, just as they'd opened the door. Loren looked at Harm over her shoulder, an eyebrow raised and he shrugged. He looked her in the eyes, a silent message passed. She nodded and left the office, turning towards his to wait for him there, as agreed in their silent conversation.

Harm turned to look quizzically at the Admiral. 'Hasn't everything been said already?' "Yes, sir?"

"Glad to see you finally took my advice."

Harm was still confused. "Which advice would that be, sir?"

The Admiral sighed and rolled his eyes exasperatedly. "The one I gave you at the Sydney airport."

Finally the light turned on for Harm.

_'Don't look back, Commander.' Harm couldn't help himself and turned around, only to have the knife twisted in the already-bleeding heart. There stood Mac and Bugme, deep into their tonsil-hockey, making Harm sick from the extremely painful and utterly disgusting sight. Mac had truly twisted the knife thoroughly, sinking to new lows, rubbing her having had sex with another man, with Brumby, the previous night in Harm's face, in front of their friends and CO, in front of all who knew that Harm had loved her. She had gone from Harm to another man, the man who'd tried his best to get her convicted for murder, in the blink of an eye and now she was demonstrating that intentionally, with the sole purpose of hurting him and/or making a point. It didn't matter which, both possibilities hurt. It was clear that she and Bugme had had sex the night before, one night after she'd propositioned Harm, they both looked like they'd just rolled out of bed, and only people who had sex together recently kissed like that. It was also at that moment that Harm knew that Mac wasn't the right one for him. Had she ever loved him, she wouldn't be doing that. For a woman in love would never intentionally hurt the man she loves, nor even try to, much less immediately go to another man when he'd ask her for more time, she would wait until he was ready, for she wouldn't want and couldn't stand even the thought of being with any other man but the one she was in love with. At that moment Harm's heart had let go. Let go of one Sarah Mackenzie. And it was her own fault._

Harm grinned at Cheggwidden, thankful to this man that was so much like a father to him at times. "Yes, sir, me too."

"Good. Congratulations, again, and I can now see that you've finally found the woman who will make you happy. You deserve it, you both do. Take care of her and of yourself."

"I will, sir."

"Good. Carry on." Harm nodded and left the office, turning towards his office, seeing Loren waiting there for him to finally start the rest of their lives.

Together.

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	41. Chapter 41

**AN: **this is the end, my friends, of the longest fic I've ever written. I would like to thank you all for your support, and especially for your patience while I struggled with a writer's block during the posting of this fic. You've been truly great.

I'm sad to see this fic grow up and leave home to go into the world on it's own, it's become like my baby to me. I know it's strange looking at it like that, but I can't help it. I gave life to it and now it's all grown up.

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I'm thinking of another fic, where Loren survives Lindsey's murder attempt, but I have a few questions. How far along into her pregnancy was Loren when she was killed? If she survived, the stress and injuries would probably cause a termination of pregnancy. In what form? Too early labor or miscarriage?

Thanks for your help!

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The first time Harm and Loren had presented themselves as a couple to their co-workers was a few months later, at a softball game, in which their office played against the Requisitions Office. And it was a memorable occasion, indeed.

Harm and Loren took the same car to the park, in which the game was taking place, and walked towards their co-workers with their arms around each other.

It was a good thing that the game hadn't started yet, as they would've surely lost.

The first one to see them was Seaman Phelps, who alerted everyone else.

Slowly, one by one, the rest of the staff turned towards them, forgetting everything and just staring, with their mouths gaping open.

Bud was just passing the ball with Gunny Galindez when he turned to see what had made everyone else freeze in their tracks. He too forgot everything else, at least until the second the ball hit him in the head, knocking him onto his back. Gunny hadn't seen them yet and Bud turned around just as Galindez threw the ball at him. Bud was still too stunned to react properly, to even get back to his feet, and just continued staring on.

Mac was angry and jealous. She knew she didn't love Harm, how could she since she had chosen Brumby over him so easily? No woman in love would go to another man only a day after the man she loved had asked her for more time. A woman in love would wait until her man was ready, since it was obvious the man had loved her too. Which meant she didn't love him. It had taken her a while to realize this, but she did realize. She didn't love him, but that didn't mean she didn't want to possess him. She definitely wanted to possess him, he was a hunk and, from what his former girlfriend had said, amazing in bed and that is why she was angry at the woman who had taken him off the market, permanently it seemed. She was also jealous of what Harm and Loren clearly had, a deep, meaningful bond, a similar, yet much, much stronger, bond to the one she and Harm had had and that she had thrown away, because he had decided to fly again, she killing it permanently and forever. Now she didn't have it with him anymore, while Loren did. THAT was what angered her the most. Harm and Loren were clearly in love and in this fully committed relationship for the extremely long haul, till death does them part, making Mac jealous because she knew she would never have that kind of love with the man she had chosen. But she had made her bed and now she had to sleep in it. Mac turned around and tried to ignore the sight of Harm and Loren kiss tenderly and with love.

RADM Cheggwidden stood on the edge of the crowd, arms crossed over his chest and smirking smugly, enjoying the reactions of his staff. Ever since Harm and Loren had informed him of their plans he was secretly hoping to be there where the rest of the crew would get clued in. His wish had been granted and he was enjoying himself immensely! He was just getting a headache at trying to figure out how he would partner his lawyers for future cases, since Harm and Loren couldn't be on the same cases any longer. Looking at Mac he knew that, in the interest of good order, discipline and general safety, he shouldn't even think of partnering her with either Harm or Loren. That left only Bud as the default work partner for the two life-partners. Perhaps he should finally bring new lawyers to the HQ? As it was, HQ had fewer lawyers than any normal JAG office and more cases. Besides, he'd just received transfer requests from LCDR Turner, LT Manetti and LCDR Pike. He had hesitated over Pike, but looking now at Harm he knew that Harm no longer held any kind of feelings for the brunette lawyer and thus there was no way that her tranfer-in could jeopardize his relationship with Loren, nor peace in the office. While Loren was a possessive partner she wasn't a jealous one and wouldn't do or say anything unless there was a clear and present danger. He also needed these new fresh forces because there were increasingly louder demands of other commands to have his two lovebirds. The Inspector General, NCIS and even ONI all wanted Loren for her superior skills as an investigator; while different commands in the Pentagon (one of them even Commander Naval Air Forces's (COMNAVAIRFOR/CNAF) who had seen Harm in action, both legal and flying, and wanted him on his own staff, pronto), the SecNav (to have Harm on his staff as a legal advisor and to keep an eye on him), and even the Navy Fighter Weapons School (TOP GUN) at NAS Fallon wanted their former graduate as an instructor after having heard and read all about his achievements in his career and latest carrier stint. If the two didn't both stay at DC, the other choice was Fallon, where Loren could take her position as the Chief of Staff of Staff Judge Advocate JAG Corps Naval Air Station Fallon, taking over as it's commander once she got heavier in rank, while Harm served as an instructor at TOP GUN. By taking over command of a JAG office and having had command experience, it being clearly written in her record, this would only help Loren to have even better chances of becoming the first female JAG once she became one of the candidates. Krennick had been thrown out after having sexually harrassed a junior male subordinate, who hadn't taken it kindly, and had reported her, and Loren's only competition, Mac, had no chance of staying in the service over her 20, much less to become a General and much much less to get that far to become a JAG candidate, with so many, and so big, black marks on her record. Either way, the future of his two lovebirds was very bright and promising, indeed.

Harriet didn't know whether to start squealing over her friend and her son's godfather Harm having finally found true happiness or crying because it wasn't Mac he'd found it with. She'd stopped breathing when Harm took Loren into his arms, bringing her to him in for a passionate kiss, that had Harriet's knees weakening from just seeing the intensity and feelings in it; and dipping Loren, so Loren had to cling to his shoulders for added safety, because her knees had stopped supporting her due to the feelings he invoked in her. Not that he would ever let her go. Harriet reflected on how it seemed that both meanings of the phrase were apparently true. Harm wouldn't ever hurt a woman, especially not the woman he loved, Loren, by accidentally letting her go, or hurting any other way, and having her drop to the ground and he would do everything humanly possible for them to stay together till death does them part. The decision whether to squeal or cry was made for Harriet when she'd caught sight of the diamond on Loren's left ring finger.

She squealed.

Loudly.

Very loudly.

It was just an instinctual reaction.

She had thus managed to break everyone out of their stupor and most of them rushed forward to congratulate the happy couple. Gunny's "Hoorah!" was heard across the park when he cheered the two for their engagement. He later excused his enthusiasm and Marine cheering with the explanation that the CDR had been a fellow Marine for a few weeks and thus was entitled to it. The congratulations went on for quite a while until they had to break up in order to play the game. The elation due to the wonderful news about two of them having found happiness and love with each other had them win by a great margin.

Nearby, in a non-descript van, Clayton Webb smiled. He owed Harm a lot of favors and filming this occasion was a way to repay him just a little. He quickly sobered at the thought that he was still in Harm's debt for several lifetimes. He then grinned at the reactions of Harm's co-workers and made sure he had filmed a close-up of each face before Harriet's scream. He was already trying to remember who to ask to do a montage of the video. Then he went back to his equipment.

And this is how Harm and Loren had become a public couple.

-------------------------

About two years later, LCDR Loren Rabb reported to her husband CAPT Harmon Rabb, Jr. that that 3rd way really did work.

Of course, only after she had given birth to their first child.

THE END

-------------------------

**AN:** a few explanations:

ONI: Office of Naval Intelligence, the real name for the agency that in some fics is either called NI (Naval Intelligence) or somehow else. This is the correct title. This agency is also the most powerful, influental and has the biggest resources of any other US intelligence agency and has supporters in places other agencies can only dream of.

Turner's, Manetti's and Pike's ranks: LCDR is Lieutenant Commander, LT is full Lieutenant. I know they had different ranks on the show, but bear in mind that this fic takes place several years after Season 1 when Kate was a full LT and several years before her last appearance on the show, when it was used just as a cheap plot device to stir things up a little; and years before the first appearance of Sturgis and Tracy, so I had to adjust their ranks accordingly.


End file.
